WTH....SMH...and LOL! ...oh my!!

Wow...Ok, so I think I can say I'm pretty much done with the online site at this time. A couple weeks ago, I went on a "date" with one of the guys who'd contacted me and I can honestly say, I totally screwed THAT date up! LOL!! Without going too much into detail, I will say this... This dude (I'll refer to him as 5'9", ..obvious reason) seemed to be a nice guy; he smelled good, looked decent, had dimples even!! He had a job, a home and decent transportation!!! Ok, so you may ask "so, what went wrong, Just Trena?" Well, let me tell you...

As you know I've been slightly distracted with Online Interest (OI), and this date was made during OI's mini-MIA episode. *sidenote: he had an "eh" explanation, totally believable, let's hope he improves in the "communication while sick" area. Ok, so back to the date with 5'9"... The conversation was going pretty good until he asked about my online experience...this is where I'm going to give you lucky readers some "Do's and Don'ts" of dating...

1. Don't talk about another guy you're interested in on the date.
2. Don't offer to set up your date with one of your girlfriends! *uh uh, don't do it!
3. Do limit going out on other dates once you find someone you're interested in online, at least until you "figure out" if your interest is going somewhere and/or worth investigating further without other distractions.

Yeah, needless to say, that was a quick date, which somehow surprisingly ended on a comedic note. 5'9" contacted me on his way home from the date to talk about it and to make sure I was okay (see?, he was sweet and considerate also!), and we did find quite a few laughs to get out of it. He also explained setting him up with my girlfriend wouldn't work because he would always be checking me out and he also said he wished he'd never met me because he was indeed attracted (Aww!). AND he told me how weird it was for me to even offer that! lol... Well, anyone who knows me, knows I sometimes have difficulty with the process of filtering thoughts to verbalization, and things I say are usually done with good intentions, so all of the friends I told about the episode laughed but wasn't really surprised.

So, as of a couple days ago, I stopped my automatic renewal with the dating site and once my time has lapsed, I will hide / delete my profile. I also feel as if I've had enough of the speed dating for now. One day I may venture out there again but as for now, I'm confident the "real world" offers enough prospects.

Well, until next time ya'll....Toodles!

Single ...and Ready to Mingle Vent...

The concept of "mingling"...what exactly does that look like, ya'll? According to the online Free Dictionary, to mingle is: "to bring or combine together or with something else"; "to be all mixed up or jumbled together". <_< Well, that's how I'm defining it right about now for me...all mixed up! Yeah, that one works for me! LOL!

As you know I've been dabbling in the online scene and surprisingly, it's getting quite interesting. TODAY, I've had at least four dudes to initiate contact with me. I noticed a couple of them had checked out my profile a few times before and I guess today was the day for them to make contact. Two asked me out for a meet-up and the other two carried on conversations consisting of more than just "hey beautiful" or "hey lady", which is their usually speak.

If you've read my past posts, you know there's one guy in particular I'm interested in, and that's Online Interest, you know, the one who crashed the Speed dating event the other night"? Well, for some reason, he is being a little quiet this weekend so being as I'm not as distracted, I thought I'd entertain the other dudes. Well, I must say, "over 40" ain't no joke! I can't keep'em all straight in my head and am forgetting what I've said to whom! Surely this is not the way it's suppose to go down, ya'll!! I need a spreadsheet just to keep things straight and to keep myself sane!

I'm beginning to wonder if there are rules out there that states when one should close the lines of communication on this beast called online dating? When do you stop acknowledging new contacts until you've had a chance to check out the first group of guys, without losing the new group of guys interest? Ugh!! There's always something, isn't it?

Well, this was just me rambling on the confusion I'm experiencing right now with online dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not discouraged at all! Just need a breather from it all for a minute. After I get the two who invited me out "situated", I think I may have to take a hiatus from this for a minute! LOL...

~Toddles!!

I Ain't Hatin'...Really, I'm Not...

Disclaimer: This observation is being posted from an “Ah ha” moment, not to be confused, at all, with anger.

So, today as I was perusing my Facebook page, I noticed something that has always tickled at the peripheral of my consciousness. Wait a minute…let me preface this post with this story: A Facebook friend once stated that if a man or woman was truly in a relationship with you, he/she would proudly post it on their Facebook page, at a minimum, as his/her status. At first, I bucked…”Surely not everyone wants their business out there on Facebook!”..is what I said. I declared then and there I would go and “investigate” the people I had as “friends” and ya’ll know what?!! Surprisingly sure enough, EVERY LAST PERSON, who I knew was in a relationship, had it posted!! Even the known "dogs" of the group! Now, ex-dude who was suppose to be all into me is on Facebook but I was nowhere to be found ..not in his status, in his pictures, whatever. *shoulder shrug..huh, no real issue for me because I am the one who believed it doesn’t really have to be out there to mean anything, although I did have at least pictures of said ex-dude posted on my page.

Fast forward to today, almost two months after the breakup, and guess what? Ex-dude and this chick’s picture is scattered along my timeline. Honestly, no biggie, except the remembrance of the above conversation from many months ago. So, we were together for a minute and never a public declaration of feelings but a date gets front in center? Hmmm, interesting…

My Adventures …chapter 3 ….When Speed Dating + Online Dating Collide

Last night was my second try at Speed Dating and this time, we brought a third female friend/co-worker with us since we’d enjoyed the last event so much...ya kow..share in the fun! We arrived at the selected venue about 40 minutes prior to the event start time...ordered an appetizer with a happy hour house drink…I had calamari and a martini, not bad. After laughing and joking with the bartender and his bar friends, we made our way to the “holding area” to sign-in for the dating. I was slightly concerned because at the first speed dating event, one or two of the gentlemen had contacted me and the exchange never had any closure so I was a teensy bit apprehensive on how I would handle the “I emailed you but you didn’t email me back” conversation. I figured if I’d attended last month, maybe these individuals would also. Needless to say, there were one or two repeaters there.

This is where "the online dating scene" made it's way on stage to the night festivities… in a good way. For about two/three weeks I’ve been in constant communication with one of the gentlemen I’d met online…ONLY phone conversations, mind you, but we had not had the pleasure of meeting “face-to-face” yet. So, en route to the event, a spontaneous meet-up was scheduled for that evening, to take place after the speed dating was done. Well…while waiting for the dating to start, I noticed a “want to avoid” Repeater. We’d both shown interested in each other and he’d seemed so cool at the meet-up but somewhere along the way, his perceived arrogance and “hot and cold” act turned me off….our short reign of communication ended …weirdly.

Ok, so, during the time my friends and I were waiting, Online Interest was sending me text messages, letting me know where he was in the process of our meet-up. It was when I spotted the Repeater I had my “Ah ha! …I know how I can avoid what I knew would be an awkward situation” moment!! I could time it where, before Repeat got to my table, I would leave the event to go out and talk with Online interest!! Online Interest showed up right on-time and proved to have been honest in his representation of himself. The face-to-face meet-up went very well and I was pleasantly surprised about that. So…>_>...Brilliant plan, right?! YA DARN RIGHT IT WAS BRILLIANT!! Not only did I circumvent the “Repeat Meet”, I also got a chance to see the voice and personality behind the Online Interest. And it was all good. *smiling….

I did return to the dating event, albeit with lackluster, and finished out the last three/four rounds left of “switch”; by this time, Repeater had already gone beyond where I was seated. I was informed he’d asked about me… (yeah, I must admit a little bit of “In-Yo-Face-ism” ran through my mind with that tid bit of information. *Ya can’t ban the Snowman!... lol) So…yeah…I’m feeling good right about now.

~Toodles!

Cosmic Funk

As of today, 4 September 2012, I am still enjoying my single-dom. I'm still loving the place and space I’m in and I am learning so much about myself, its unreal! One of the many things I’ve learned about “me” is, I may have had “Change a Chump” syndrome going on! “JustTrena, now what exactly is that?”..you may ask. Well, it’s the female version of “Capt Save a Ho”!! In layman’s terms, it’s basically the desire to rescue or “push to potential” another person, who may or may not wish to be “pushed”, to possibly make oneself feel special or needed. <_<… mind you, this is my “made-up phrase, so the definition can change at any given moment! Lol But lets’ clear this up ….when I say “..to possibly make oneself feel special…”, I, in no way whatsoever, feel in the slightest bit “un-special” ! However, I am smart enough to notice and acknowledge signs I may have previously overlooked. Ok, back to the topic at hand…. So, during this time of getting to know myself, I was questioning my fellow co-workers/friends as to why the universe seemed to continue to throw men who were “not where they should be” in my face! This has happened three times since my last relationship breakup! And when I say "continue", I'm talking THREE times! …No, not 3 out of 8 times, or even 3 out of 4 times, this is a whooping 3 out of 3 times this has happened!! And if anyone knows anything about me, I don’t believe in coincidences! So I had to do the hard part and reflect on ME and what it was that I was putting out there because we all know, what we project is what is drawn to us. It was during this self-reflection that this was revealed to me.

Now, the type of men I’m talking about are NOT the ones who are down on their luck due to economic circumstances and times, but these are men who have never “held it down” and may have the propensity to prey on who they think is vulnerable and/or naïve. So, this is how it would look: Me, Ms. “I will support your efforts and help you get to the next levels, with encouragement and hard work” is walking along, happy-happy, minding my own business and out of nowhere, Mr. “I live with auntie, my car is in the shop, I’m in-between jobs right now” comes along and sees me. He thinks, “Ah, she looks mighty friendly and helpful… let’s see how I can use/benefit from this situation!” And me, being the person I am, who believes everyone is capable of potential, is almost salivating to help a brother out. See? BUT THEN what happens is, my other side and perspective of what makes a “Real Man” (responsibility and accountability) comes into play and at the first sign of “leeching”, he’s outta there! *That side is usually not seen due to the bright glow of “happy-go-luckyism” that’s displayed during initial meet up! Said predator gets upset that things don’t go their way, blames me for not having time, and off they go to lick wounds.

So how do I combat attracting this type of situation and avoiding all of the drama from the get-go? Well, after recognizing what was “drawing them in”, my mindset is now one of knowing it’s not my responsibility to “raise a grown man”; my supportive nature can be used to uplift someone who is at a level comparable to mine (not necessarily just financially speaking, but also morally, situation-ally, etc) and pushing together from there. I shouldn’t have to reach back to pull a man along but we should be able to go, hand in hand, forward together.

If you find yourself being constantly approached by big sacks of mess-mess, stop and reflect upon yourself and think about what it may be you are projecting to the world and change your mindset, if you can! And just in case you’re asking, “…but JustTrena, what about the next bum…what’s going to stop him from approaching you anyway?” Well, I don’t know but I can say honestly, ever since I’ve acknowledged and CHANGED that mindset, NOT ONE CHUMP HAS APPROACHED ME!!! Coincidence? I think not. Cosmic? Just maybe!! ~Toodles!