Settling…or Being Realistic?

Alright folks, let's pull out the “Must Have” lists…yep, that list which names all of the things your dream guy or girl has got to have in order for us to be happy with them. We all have them, those lists... some written down while others are subconsciously engrained in the back of our minds.

We’ve heard our girlfriends talk about how they want a man who has a six-figure paycheck, perfect body, intelligent and kind. >_> …ok, by a show of hands, how many of ya’ll, after hearing this come from one of your friends, have said to yourself, “Honey, how you gonna want all that when you barely making ends meet, is overweight and mean as a bull?” Or fellows, you’ve heard your homeboys talk about how his woman’s gotta be fine as wine, has a flawless face, and is submissive to boot? And your thoughts were, “Man, how you gon’ get all that when you straight “tore up from the floor up” yourself?” LOL!! It's a true trip out here ya'll! Folks are making their lists and checking them twice! I've heard friends name all sorts of minor behavior or some trivial slight as “deal breakers”, while I’m saying to myself….Girl…Really? …smh…

But seriously, expectations are fine and to want someone who’s complimentary to you, is even better, but when does the “list” go too far? Is it reality to think you’re going to find that perfect person who just so happens to be kind, generous, fine, smart, WHO ACTUALLY WANTS YOU and don’t mind putting up with all the lack of things you’re NOT bringing to the table? Hey, it can happen…. but if you haven’t won the lottery lately, I wouldn’t bet on it.

No way am I saying settle for someone who you can’t even stand to look at or hang out with. All I’m saying is, people, give the average man and woman a chance! Please allow them and yourselves the opportunity to meet. You just never know….your “Mr Do Right” may be just around the corner…or just hanging on the corner (just kidding!)? Besides, perfection makes you work too hard! ..lol...


How you gonna demand this:

when you look like this:

...I'm just saying... ~Toodles!

A Good Match is Hard to Find

A day or so ago, I was speaking with a couple of my single girlfriends. One topic that continuously comes up is ...”Why is it so hard to find a man?”! It’s not that it’s hard to find a man, per se, but the ones they’re meeting never seem to “match”!! You may be asking yourself.. “JustTrena, what in the world are you talking about?” LOL..Ok, I’ll explain…

Do you remember the movie “Friday”, starring Chris Tucker and Ice Cube? In that movie, Chris’ character went on a rant about how “Craig and ‘em” never had anything that matched… “…Either y'all got Kool-Aid no sugar, peanut butter no jelly, ham, no burger. Daamn. ...!” That same dilemma is what many single women are facing now-a-days! It seems there are not many men out there that match! You have the “asshole who’s financially stable”; the “nice guy who’s broke”; the “charming but insecure” dude; the “tall illiterate guy”; the “super short intelligent man”…and the list goes on! Where are the financially secure nice guys at? Or the charming yet secure dudes? …. <_< … O_O... >_> … Anyone knows??

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there’s ANYTHING wrong with a tall guy or a short guy or whatever other trait an individual may or may not prefer, but where are the men with the traits that match and complete the whole picture when it comes to women’s preferences? One girlfriend said she met the most generous and kind dude….turns out he’s insecure and needy! What’s up with that?! Another friend met a gorgeous guy…why is he about three steps from illiterate? I mean, really??

Some men say once women get to a certain financial status, we become “stuck up” and/or “hard to please”. That may be true for some but for the women I associate with, it’s just boils down to not being able to find a decent “match”. Yeah, there’s always that self-proclaimed “nice guy” who’s constantly on one, talking about how nice he is and how women overlook him for the “bad boys”. Man, whatever! I feel any dude who has to make the announcement about how “nice” he is, probably isn’t really that nice and/or don’t “match”!! Yeah, dude, you may think you’re nice but how long do you expect a woman to stick around if you’re insecure? Or needy? Or always worried about the next dude? Sheesh….

I definitely know that money doesn’t make a man or that a nice body doesn’t make a nice person….but come on ya’ll…can a girl get some freakin’ Kool-Aid AND sugar??!! LOL…

Man... just stop it!!

Men, if you are using your luxury cars and other worldly possessions to get and attract women, don’t get mad when that’s what attracts them to you! If you consider that type of woman to be a “gold-digger”, then you, Dear Sirs, are “gold-mines”! Stop it!!

Just smile...say "Hello!"...keep it moving...

As mentioned in the post below, the lyrics to Wale’s song “Diary” is a true testament to the way many women act and many men feel. Are we our own worst enemies when it comes to moving beyond our past relationships and past hurts?

I’ve heard many men say they’re very hesitant to even say hello to black women because “they always act like somebody trying to get with them…why can’t a brotha’ just speak to ya’ll without all the attitude?” >_> Yeah, ladies, ya’ll know we’re guilty of it, and I’ve acknowledged my part in it EXCEPT I’m making an effort to cease and desist the foolishness! To be honest, my reaction wasn’t due to the fact I may have thought dude wanted to get with me; my reaction was because I’m such a FREAKIN’ CHICKEN when it comes to men! Yeah, I can talk and joke around until the cows come home but try that one-on-one thing and I’m doing the old shoe scuff, leg swing thing…

Yeah, that’s me….sad, isn’t it?

Maybe women do have bad experiences with some menfolk who decide if you don’t go beyond the “good morning”, you’re acting some kind of way and they then feel it’s their personal life’s quest to tell you what they feel you’re acting like {insert the “B” word here}. So to counter the expected “dish”, females just cut it all off short. The only problem with this is, if the dude ISN’T trying to flirt and/or being ignorant, you’ve dogged an innocent bystander!

After personally being in a relationship that didn’t work out, I know there can be shell-shock after one goes wrong; I can only imagine if someone has gone through several bad breakups/relationships. But I’ve always felt, no matter how many buttholes you meet, there’s got to be a prince mixed in the group somewhere. I mean, I have male friends who are nice, cool dudes and I know they’re not the only ones out there. One assclown doeth not maketh them all. Yes, I have faith in the male species!! Besides, that same assclown may have been one of the “good guys” before an untrusting, hurt woman turned him otherwise.

Ok, all of this to say…stop ignoring, disrespecting, judging, emasculating, etc…our brothers on the basis of a few (or many) assclowns. The effort it takes to smile and simply say “hello” is much less stress than the whole “anticipation of a confrontation” that happens when we’re walking along, see a brotha’ approaching, then deciphering ALL of the conversation we have in our heads about how we’re going to ignore him. Smile….”hello”…keep it moving” …see? …not even two seconds…

**For those who didn’t do the assigned homework (google lyrics) here are the lyrics to Wale’s song “Diary” (video below):

“If I told you I wanted to talk to you,
You think I'm try'na holla at you,
And maybe I am but,
You wouldn't hear me out anyway's would you? ,
Rather lose love than to move on never knowing what it feel like,
Short days, long nights,
By the phone, no call,
Need a clear mind 'cause I been blind, got me goin' down that road,
Heart made of stone,
Far away from home,
Black woman you cold,
Every problem you ever had with another man I gotta face,
Started off on thin ice,
I'm still here but I can't skate,
Slow sink, can't breath, no remorse, don't think,
Listen to your friend get another man for a minute then repeat,
Queen, you deserve the title but she rejects what I give, while she nurse the wounds by them,
Tried them, didn't work, got impossible standards, nothing I'm a do is gon' work,
Diary of a black girl,

[chorus]
I wonder why I sit and cry,
Wish I could shed all these tears,
I'm down and out,
I'll keep on moving and tryna get out,
I don't know how to move on,
Where I went wrong,
I wish I could live with no fear,
So down and out,
I'll keep it moving and tryna get out,
Somehow,

Raised by a momma who, who,
Hates her baby father so, so
She don't have a problem with, with,
Saying fuck a nigga Quick, quick,
I'm just tryna be the one who never run, but you run away from me,
Girlfriends man cheat, cheat,
Why not me the same thing,
She can't see in me, what I see in her,
This pain she inherit can't be reversed,
I can't even stay living in the shade of all the motherfuckers who played you,
The irony in that is that I aint even that, but you put in these pages,
Wife, you deserve the label but, but, you been hurt before so you don't feel your able,
Tried them didn't work, got impossible standards, nothing that I ever do works,
Diary of a black girl,

[chorus]

See all I wanna do is be relevant,
Just tell me that I ever meant anything more,
That you could ever see me and you in another light,
But its like the dark women indoors in the darkest nights by the wrong man,
see all of them have made you incapable of a first impression,
what it do is I channel my aggression with no cable or antenna,
Just intentions to impress you if capable,
Hoping that the material possessions can materialize to a better you,
Cars, nothing I drive can drive you out of this frame of mind,
For such an ugly picture and,
Money, nothing I buy can buy more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it,
Diamonds, a girl's best friend is what they say but believe me with the right allegiance shorty you gonna shine anyways,
and everyday that goes by is a couple more lines in her diary,
the day before is better than the present,
so anyone presented in her presence endures these life sentences,
there's no key for release,
no reason to be around,
her minds in the clouds,
she writes it all down,
in her diary.”

Later ya'll! *Check out Wale's "Family Affair"...another deep song lyrically!

"Diary" by Wale featuring Marsha Ambrosius

I'm just now hearing this song by Wale called "Diary" and in my next post, I will discuss this topic a little further... this song is deep and the lyrics are amazing. When you have a free moment, please Google to see the complete set of lyrics. There's a part in the song that goes:

"See all I wanna do is be relevant, Just tell me that I ever meant anything more. That you could ever see me and you in another light. But its like the dark women indoors in the darkest nights by the wrong man, see all of them have made you incapable of a first impression. What it do is I channel my aggression with no cable or antenna, just intentions to impress you if capable. Hoping that the material possessions can materialize to a better you. Cars, nothing I drive can drive you out of this frame of mind, for such an ugly picture and, Money, nothing I buy can buy more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it, Diamonds, a girl's best friend is what they say but believe me with the right allegiance shorty you gonna shine anyways..."

Ya’ll, we have to talk about this one! See you in a few!!

Who's the Boss?

My entrepreneur spirit has been stirring wildly lately. I don’t want to endeavor into the “pyramids” or other “join-my-line-so-we-can-all-make-money” schemes. I want to do something that's creative and I enjoy doing, that’s not being offered on every single corner you pass. I want to provide a service that's uniquely "me" and uses my specific talents; one where my success does not depend on anyone but myself; and it's something that I can put my name on. So, as lovely and wonderful as they are, no thanks Avon, MaryKay, etc… that's not for me at this time!

So, now comes the hard part….what am I good at that someone would pay for? I posed this question to some close family members and friends… here’s the list I got:

a. Event planner
b. Hair braider
c. Psychologist (no professional training AT ALL!)
d. Writer

…and for the record, here are the businesses I’ve started in the past:

a. Daycare owner (did VERY well with that one!)
b. Virtual Assistant (never launched but still…)
c. Gift basket business (would have done well if I’d done more “marketing” of the business)

I know the obvious answer would be to go into one of the businesses I’ve already had a taste of…but being a Daycare owner isn’t in the cards at this time for me; being a Virtual Assistant would just seem too much of an extension of what I used to do professionally and holds no true interest for me right now. However, creating beautiful, unique gift baskets…hmmm, maybe. During the short period of producing unique gift baskets, I had the opportunity to do quite a few unique creations! And every customer was highly satisfied…it just seemed my free time just ran out…

Here are a few samples of Gift Baskets I created:

This one was a "Tea Basket" for a retiring co-worker, based on her likes/preferences:

This basket consisted of two ceramic mugs, a variety of teas, hot chocolates, jams, crackers, scones, stirrers, etc…all sitting in a leather-like bed tray.

This one was created for a contractor friend for her Raven's fan boyfriend...purple and gold:

Of course you can see the theme in that one!

Darling Dora:

This Dora bag had purple and pink everything...nail polish, files, even a big purple bottle of bubble bath (in what looked like a champagne bottle), all stuffed in a Dora bag.

All Things Chocolate:

I couldn't believe chocolate bubble gum existed but I found it! lol

The last one I'll post was for a new baby:

...bibs, washclothes, booties, books...

And may I add, all accouterments were handmade by moi!

Surprisingly, you know, just pulling these pictures up has seriously peaked my interest again.…hmmm, maybe I really need to think about restarting this business! It surely meets my criteria of being a business that will allow me to be "uniquely" me; I'll only have myself to hold accountable, and I can definitely put my name on this one!

I'll keep ya'll posted!! I'm off to do a little "catch-up" research on gift baskets!! Later!

HAPPY 4th of JULY FOLKS!!

Hey Ya’ll!

Just a short stop in to say I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!! Mine was spent in the sun playing, cooking out and swimming at Westmoreland State Park in Virginia and then on to Colonial Beach (in Virginia also) to watch the fireworks. It was so much fun! The only down side was I had to wake up early this morning to drag myself in to work but even that part is okay …better to have a job to drag into than not, so no complaints from me!! Chat with ya later!

*Smooches!!