To do or not to do?

I was online recently and noticed a post about prenuptial agreements. The premise was, “if you have to have a prenup, you’re looking to fail and/or don’t trust the one you’re with”. <_< I’m pretty sure the folks saying this have never gone through a divorce. It’s not about trusting the one you’re with, it’s about being able to trust who they TURN INTO when things don’t go as planned!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not about material things. Meaning, it’s not what or how much you have, it’s what you do with those things you do have. I’m not about trying to figure out how much cash or “things” I can take from someone…but having gone through my divorce, I now know things would have been much easier and WAY less expensive if we’d had a plan in place, aka prenup.

If I’d known …..no, if I’d had in writing who would be responsible for doing what in this event, …wow! I know at least $5,000 would have been saved…and that’s just on one party’s side! Another advantage would be you and your partner will have decided all of this during a time you were both working with logic vs. emotion. Imagine how much money would be saved if you weren’t arguing over petty things, just to “score a point”! When you are required to go through mediation and the courts, every second of “mediating” and “courting” cost money. We spent a minimum of 15 minutes, going back and forth, on whom the bookcases would go to! Bookcases, ya’ll!! In the end, I only asked for a few personal effects in the distribution of goods, just to end the unnecessary bickering....may not seem like the smart thing but trust me, "peace-of-mind" out trumps the "one up".

I’m not saying go line by line on who gets every single piece of household goods, but at least have some sort of plan set up to make things easier! How much easier it would be if it’s already agreed upon soon-to-be-hubby will take whatever pets there are because he enjoys animals way more than wifey does; or that wifey will get to keep the collection of dolphins because she’s the one who’s collecting them? Sounds petty, huh? Trust me, these are very mild examples of what can take place during such high level of anxiety and emotional upset.

Now, with all of that said, if you don’t feel it’s the right thing for you,…fine, disregard this and plow straight ahead. And I pray your relationship much success; however, if you’re not sure, at least give it a brain cell or two worth of thought!

Stuck in a Mind-Set

After being part of a couple for so many years, to all of a sudden be flung into being “single” can be quite traumatic. If you’re beyond the age of 40+, the learning curve can feel rather daunting. Not just re-learning how to do things as a singular but to also change your way of thinking non-plural. *that’s not a word? …well, how about this: to only have to consider yourself when making decisions. I know, I know…just the thought of this is overwhelming, right? “You mean to tell me, I can paint my bedroom ANY color I want without snide remarks, negotiations, or veto powers-that-be? Wait a minute,… let me catch my breath! Ok, now, don’t get me wrong, I know perfectly well there’s another side to that too…having to make the decision on whether or not to replace a doo-hickey that you know absolutely NOTHING about, can have the opposite effect. Wait a minute…let me catch my breath!

Thoughts along those lines are almost automatic in your process of detaching from plural but there are other, less obvious things you can get stuck on. The one thing I found myself jammed on was a mind-set. I was so used to thinking a certain way, of having to consider another person’s feelings for such a long time, I got temporarily stalled in the “moving on” process. Making decisions that alters your preferences because you don’t want to make “so-and-so” upset or you don’t want to have to answer any questions from “such-and-such”. What the heck?!! I owe no one anything… I’ve been the best person I know how to be and I’m living my life the way I want to. I NO LONGER HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE, especially the ones who conveniently made themselves sparse while I was going through…which is a whole ‘nother blogpost, in and of itself!

Once I became aware I was harboring this mind-set it was easy to release that way of thinking to the universe, but the kicker is being aware! And sometimes awareness only comes when you feel a backwards tug on your progress. I’m sure there are more bits and pieces out there I’ve yet to identify. This one was simple… when it comes to living my personal life, I. Owe. No. One. Anything!

Life Happens...

Wow..once again, almost another two years have passed! And here I am, feeling the need to blog again! My holdup? Life!! So much has happened since October 2010! You would think “life” would inspire you to write more but it’s a lot harder to find that free time when you’re dealing with “in your face” situations. The first being….my divorce. During the year of 2011, on my birthday, (1 November), the separation process started and a year and 29 days later, I was divorced! After 23 years, my marriage legally ended …and I’m okay. Actually, I’m better than okay. The last 23 years were learning and growing years. And guess what, dear Readers? You will be privy to a few of the many life lessons I’ve acquired and hopefully you can get something out of these without having to experience it first-hand! Yaayyy!!

Lesson 1: It is okay to love and forgive; just know you must let go once the “forgiving” becomes rote and the loving is heavily one-sided.

Lesson 2: Children are truly blessings from God! They are smarter and more aware than you’ll ever suspect so “holding on” for their sake is most times just an excuse for you to hold on for your own sake!

Lesson 3: Know that the combination of prayer and faith is NO JOKE! Having God on your side and knowing He’s there with you make all the decisions feel right and will have even those who seem to be your biggest enemies work for you towards your better being.

Lesson 4: It is perfectly normal and okay to be afraid…what’s shameful is when you let that fear block and overrule the steps you need to take to get to your blessings.

Those are just a few of the many valuable lessons learned. That whole process personifies an analogy I’ve used many times before. “You have to go through it, to get to it!” You must push through the bushes that are blocking your pathway…yes, you may get scratched a little bit and you may even trip, but once you’re through it, …the other side is beautiful! And with that beauty comes the knowledge and recognition of the other bushes that will surely pop up; but then, you’ll be better equipped and will indeed know how to better maneuver though.