Misery…and the Search for Company

Ok, so I haven’t been here in a minute…only because I’ve been busy doing a little bit of “living”. Things are rolling along decently and I’m satisfied with the status quo. “Online Interest” and I have closed the deal, meaning exclusivity in our dating and that is going smoothly. My girls are a little more self-sufficient, with the new driver’s licenses and all. ….all sounds good right? “So, why the “Misery” title JustTrena?” Here’s why…

Many moons ago I wrote about misery loving company in this very blog, if I’m not mistaken. The post was about dealing with negative folks, with all of their negativity, and how they seem to transfer that bad energy to you when you're around them. Well, this post carries the topic a little further...

In my 46 years on this earth (yes, I just had a birthday!! Yay! ...and I had an awesome time celebrating {that will be another post!}), I’ve learned that when a person is unhappy or miserable, there’s really no cure until that individual find true clarity within themselves. It doesn’t matter how much talking to, counseling, “being there”, you try… until that person is ready to stop being “miserable”, there’s nothing YOU can do but one of two things….continue being there, listening and absorbing all of the negativity into yourself OR detach yourself from that person until he/she heals. For now, I’ve consciously chosen to “be there”, BUT only for a little while more. My friends and family question my decision….I don’t even have an answer. I just know someone who I called friend is hurting so deeply and has struck out at so many other people in her life that they’ve detached themselves from her, and for some reason, I’m not at my breaking point …YET, although I've come extremely close.

When this type of person is in your life, all of your achievements become mediocre in their eyes. Oh, there will be NO rejoicing at your successes; and you can best believe a “knife tip and jab” will show up somewhere along the conversation to make sure you feel a little less about yourself IF you’re not aware of where it’s coming from. I’ve had life celebrations ignored and blown off by this individual with all kinds of excuses. And, silly me, have continued to pass out the invitations, HOPING the depression has waned, even a little bit. Not yet. But later may be too late.

I can’t stay in a friendship where I am the sounding block for your misery. I’ve given all of my opinions, suggestions, point of views I’m willing to give right now. I will not be a part of your talking yourself into believing what you do is “alright”. It’s not. Not at all. Maybe hitting rock bottom is the cure for you. Maybe detaching will force you to see it’s YOU, and not the many other folks who’ve left or you’ve “cut off” because they’ve come too close to telling you to “get over it already”. Life happens to us all and to grieve about unfairness is normal …to be vicious and mean to those who’ve tried to support you, is not normal.

I’m extremely close to joining the ranks of the others who’ve detached. We’ll see…

Man....Just Stop It!!!

Guys, guys, guys...a girl would much rather you said "no" than to say "yes" and not follow through! If you're not sure you are able to do what you've been asked to do, just be truthful, even if that truth is "I'm not sure"! Stop doing it!! Just stop it!!

WTH....SMH...and LOL! ...oh my!!

Wow...Ok, so I think I can say I'm pretty much done with the online site at this time. A couple weeks ago, I went on a "date" with one of the guys who'd contacted me and I can honestly say, I totally screwed THAT date up! LOL!! Without going too much into detail, I will say this... This dude (I'll refer to him as 5'9", ..obvious reason) seemed to be a nice guy; he smelled good, looked decent, had dimples even!! He had a job, a home and decent transportation!!! Ok, so you may ask "so, what went wrong, Just Trena?" Well, let me tell you...

As you know I've been slightly distracted with Online Interest (OI), and this date was made during OI's mini-MIA episode. *sidenote: he had an "eh" explanation, totally believable, let's hope he improves in the "communication while sick" area. Ok, so back to the date with 5'9"... The conversation was going pretty good until he asked about my online experience...this is where I'm going to give you lucky readers some "Do's and Don'ts" of dating...

1. Don't talk about another guy you're interested in on the date.
2. Don't offer to set up your date with one of your girlfriends! *uh uh, don't do it!
3. Do limit going out on other dates once you find someone you're interested in online, at least until you "figure out" if your interest is going somewhere and/or worth investigating further without other distractions.

Yeah, needless to say, that was a quick date, which somehow surprisingly ended on a comedic note. 5'9" contacted me on his way home from the date to talk about it and to make sure I was okay (see?, he was sweet and considerate also!), and we did find quite a few laughs to get out of it. He also explained setting him up with my girlfriend wouldn't work because he would always be checking me out and he also said he wished he'd never met me because he was indeed attracted (Aww!). AND he told me how weird it was for me to even offer that! lol... Well, anyone who knows me, knows I sometimes have difficulty with the process of filtering thoughts to verbalization, and things I say are usually done with good intentions, so all of the friends I told about the episode laughed but wasn't really surprised.

So, as of a couple days ago, I stopped my automatic renewal with the dating site and once my time has lapsed, I will hide / delete my profile. I also feel as if I've had enough of the speed dating for now. One day I may venture out there again but as for now, I'm confident the "real world" offers enough prospects.

Well, until next time ya'll....Toodles!

Single ...and Ready to Mingle Vent...

The concept of "mingling"...what exactly does that look like, ya'll? According to the online Free Dictionary, to mingle is: "to bring or combine together or with something else"; "to be all mixed up or jumbled together". <_< Well, that's how I'm defining it right about now for me...all mixed up! Yeah, that one works for me! LOL!

As you know I've been dabbling in the online scene and surprisingly, it's getting quite interesting. TODAY, I've had at least four dudes to initiate contact with me. I noticed a couple of them had checked out my profile a few times before and I guess today was the day for them to make contact. Two asked me out for a meet-up and the other two carried on conversations consisting of more than just "hey beautiful" or "hey lady", which is their usually speak.

If you've read my past posts, you know there's one guy in particular I'm interested in, and that's Online Interest, you know, the one who crashed the Speed dating event the other night"? Well, for some reason, he is being a little quiet this weekend so being as I'm not as distracted, I thought I'd entertain the other dudes. Well, I must say, "over 40" ain't no joke! I can't keep'em all straight in my head and am forgetting what I've said to whom! Surely this is not the way it's suppose to go down, ya'll!! I need a spreadsheet just to keep things straight and to keep myself sane!

I'm beginning to wonder if there are rules out there that states when one should close the lines of communication on this beast called online dating? When do you stop acknowledging new contacts until you've had a chance to check out the first group of guys, without losing the new group of guys interest? Ugh!! There's always something, isn't it?

Well, this was just me rambling on the confusion I'm experiencing right now with online dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not discouraged at all! Just need a breather from it all for a minute. After I get the two who invited me out "situated", I think I may have to take a hiatus from this for a minute! LOL...

~Toddles!!

I Ain't Hatin'...Really, I'm Not...

Disclaimer: This observation is being posted from an “Ah ha” moment, not to be confused, at all, with anger.

So, today as I was perusing my Facebook page, I noticed something that has always tickled at the peripheral of my consciousness. Wait a minute…let me preface this post with this story: A Facebook friend once stated that if a man or woman was truly in a relationship with you, he/she would proudly post it on their Facebook page, at a minimum, as his/her status. At first, I bucked…”Surely not everyone wants their business out there on Facebook!”..is what I said. I declared then and there I would go and “investigate” the people I had as “friends” and ya’ll know what?!! Surprisingly sure enough, EVERY LAST PERSON, who I knew was in a relationship, had it posted!! Even the known "dogs" of the group! Now, ex-dude who was suppose to be all into me is on Facebook but I was nowhere to be found ..not in his status, in his pictures, whatever. *shoulder shrug..huh, no real issue for me because I am the one who believed it doesn’t really have to be out there to mean anything, although I did have at least pictures of said ex-dude posted on my page.

Fast forward to today, almost two months after the breakup, and guess what? Ex-dude and this chick’s picture is scattered along my timeline. Honestly, no biggie, except the remembrance of the above conversation from many months ago. So, we were together for a minute and never a public declaration of feelings but a date gets front in center? Hmmm, interesting…

My Adventures …chapter 3 ….When Speed Dating + Online Dating Collide

Last night was my second try at Speed Dating and this time, we brought a third female friend/co-worker with us since we’d enjoyed the last event so much...ya kow..share in the fun! We arrived at the selected venue about 40 minutes prior to the event start time...ordered an appetizer with a happy hour house drink…I had calamari and a martini, not bad. After laughing and joking with the bartender and his bar friends, we made our way to the “holding area” to sign-in for the dating. I was slightly concerned because at the first speed dating event, one or two of the gentlemen had contacted me and the exchange never had any closure so I was a teensy bit apprehensive on how I would handle the “I emailed you but you didn’t email me back” conversation. I figured if I’d attended last month, maybe these individuals would also. Needless to say, there were one or two repeaters there.

This is where "the online dating scene" made it's way on stage to the night festivities… in a good way. For about two/three weeks I’ve been in constant communication with one of the gentlemen I’d met online…ONLY phone conversations, mind you, but we had not had the pleasure of meeting “face-to-face” yet. So, en route to the event, a spontaneous meet-up was scheduled for that evening, to take place after the speed dating was done. Well…while waiting for the dating to start, I noticed a “want to avoid” Repeater. We’d both shown interested in each other and he’d seemed so cool at the meet-up but somewhere along the way, his perceived arrogance and “hot and cold” act turned me off….our short reign of communication ended …weirdly.

Ok, so, during the time my friends and I were waiting, Online Interest was sending me text messages, letting me know where he was in the process of our meet-up. It was when I spotted the Repeater I had my “Ah ha! …I know how I can avoid what I knew would be an awkward situation” moment!! I could time it where, before Repeat got to my table, I would leave the event to go out and talk with Online interest!! Online Interest showed up right on-time and proved to have been honest in his representation of himself. The face-to-face meet-up went very well and I was pleasantly surprised about that. So…>_>...Brilliant plan, right?! YA DARN RIGHT IT WAS BRILLIANT!! Not only did I circumvent the “Repeat Meet”, I also got a chance to see the voice and personality behind the Online Interest. And it was all good. *smiling….

I did return to the dating event, albeit with lackluster, and finished out the last three/four rounds left of “switch”; by this time, Repeater had already gone beyond where I was seated. I was informed he’d asked about me… (yeah, I must admit a little bit of “In-Yo-Face-ism” ran through my mind with that tid bit of information. *Ya can’t ban the Snowman!... lol) So…yeah…I’m feeling good right about now.

~Toodles!

Cosmic Funk

As of today, 4 September 2012, I am still enjoying my single-dom. I'm still loving the place and space I’m in and I am learning so much about myself, its unreal! One of the many things I’ve learned about “me” is, I may have had “Change a Chump” syndrome going on! “JustTrena, now what exactly is that?”..you may ask. Well, it’s the female version of “Capt Save a Ho”!! In layman’s terms, it’s basically the desire to rescue or “push to potential” another person, who may or may not wish to be “pushed”, to possibly make oneself feel special or needed. <_<… mind you, this is my “made-up phrase, so the definition can change at any given moment! Lol But lets’ clear this up ….when I say “..to possibly make oneself feel special…”, I, in no way whatsoever, feel in the slightest bit “un-special” ! However, I am smart enough to notice and acknowledge signs I may have previously overlooked. Ok, back to the topic at hand…. So, during this time of getting to know myself, I was questioning my fellow co-workers/friends as to why the universe seemed to continue to throw men who were “not where they should be” in my face! This has happened three times since my last relationship breakup! And when I say "continue", I'm talking THREE times! …No, not 3 out of 8 times, or even 3 out of 4 times, this is a whooping 3 out of 3 times this has happened!! And if anyone knows anything about me, I don’t believe in coincidences! So I had to do the hard part and reflect on ME and what it was that I was putting out there because we all know, what we project is what is drawn to us. It was during this self-reflection that this was revealed to me.

Now, the type of men I’m talking about are NOT the ones who are down on their luck due to economic circumstances and times, but these are men who have never “held it down” and may have the propensity to prey on who they think is vulnerable and/or naïve. So, this is how it would look: Me, Ms. “I will support your efforts and help you get to the next levels, with encouragement and hard work” is walking along, happy-happy, minding my own business and out of nowhere, Mr. “I live with auntie, my car is in the shop, I’m in-between jobs right now” comes along and sees me. He thinks, “Ah, she looks mighty friendly and helpful… let’s see how I can use/benefit from this situation!” And me, being the person I am, who believes everyone is capable of potential, is almost salivating to help a brother out. See? BUT THEN what happens is, my other side and perspective of what makes a “Real Man” (responsibility and accountability) comes into play and at the first sign of “leeching”, he’s outta there! *That side is usually not seen due to the bright glow of “happy-go-luckyism” that’s displayed during initial meet up! Said predator gets upset that things don’t go their way, blames me for not having time, and off they go to lick wounds.

So how do I combat attracting this type of situation and avoiding all of the drama from the get-go? Well, after recognizing what was “drawing them in”, my mindset is now one of knowing it’s not my responsibility to “raise a grown man”; my supportive nature can be used to uplift someone who is at a level comparable to mine (not necessarily just financially speaking, but also morally, situation-ally, etc) and pushing together from there. I shouldn’t have to reach back to pull a man along but we should be able to go, hand in hand, forward together.

If you find yourself being constantly approached by big sacks of mess-mess, stop and reflect upon yourself and think about what it may be you are projecting to the world and change your mindset, if you can! And just in case you’re asking, “…but JustTrena, what about the next bum…what’s going to stop him from approaching you anyway?” Well, I don’t know but I can say honestly, ever since I’ve acknowledged and CHANGED that mindset, NOT ONE CHUMP HAS APPROACHED ME!!! Coincidence? I think not. Cosmic? Just maybe!! ~Toodles!

My Adventures ….chapter 2 ….Online Dating!!

Ok, after being coaxed and coached by my co-worker/friend, I finally set up an online dating account and profile. Yeah, yeah, I did it. After filling out the “all about you” portions, I begin my initial search through the different profiles…well, I wouldn’t necessarily call it a search, but more of an adventure on spying on peoples personal lives. I had not posted a picture yet because I was feeling some kind of way about certain people finding out I’d done it!! Why, you may ask…I dunno. I guess I had to make sure I wouldn’t feel as if I’m betraying anyone with my moving on. During the last week, from day of sign-on to last night, I’d gotten about 10/15 hits total, either requesting a picture, a faceless dude declaring my profile as a “Favorite”, or it was a very much older looking male on there talking about “Am I the one?”. So needless to say, it was going rather slow. According to my friend, putting a picture on the site would increase my “hits” tremendously so I thought about doing just that. After thinking a little bit, I then needed a little extra boost of courage. That “push” came from my niece, who finally said what I needed to hear to make the jump of picture uploading. She said, “You have honestly ended all relationships in your past and you are single; you are able to do whatever you want to find date(s) and NO one should have a thing to say about it. And if they DO have something to say, tell’em “f-em”!” And you know what? She’s right. I’m not leading anyone on and if anyone feels I’m in a space with them that I have not accepted, then it’s their issue, not mine. So back to the online dating adventure…

Last night I decided to put up a couple/three pictures and see what would happen, “hit” wise. In less than an hour, I’d had over 30 views, 3 – 5 favorites, 6 messages, and something called a “match”. I posted the picture last night just before bed, so most of this happened during the time I was uploading the other pictures and chatting online with another girlfriend about which pictures to use. I was still a little nervous because I think my features are unique and I feel like folks on the streets will recognize me as “the girl on the dating site”. But, taking my co-worker/friend’s advice, who said, “No one you know will probably ever see it.” I pushed along.

Fast forward to this morning, and it’s 8:30a and I’m down in the cafeteria at work; GUESS what happens? Um hmmm, ….an older man I’d met previously in passing, comes up to me to ask if my pseudo-name on a site is “…..”!! Of course I’m mortified but I admit it and then proceed to play it off so cool, you would have been proud! Now my question is this….this woman has been on this site before and NO ONE has busted her cover….WHY, when my picture is on there for less than 8 hours, and 6 of those hours are overnight, someone sees me??! I mean, it’s not like I’m doing anything illegal but it is rather, uh, how can I say it.…uncomfortable knowing folks know what you do in your off-duty, personal time! Especially someone who has shown a slight interest in you, who you have NO interest in whatsoever, but yet, no longer have a legitimate excuse when he now knows I’m “looking”? Sheez…man sometimes a girl just can’t catch a break!!

Until next time… Toodles!

But you mad, do’? … Interpreting “Chump-Speak”

A couple weeks ago, I had a somewhat attractive man walk over to me. He introduced himself and a little later, asked if we could exchange numbers. I’m a single lady, so I agreed with the exchange…he seemed like a charming enough dude. Fast forward a conversation or two later, and there are the edges of red flags popping out of closed closet doors. The first sighting of a red flag was when he said, “Well, I know I’m not where I need to be but I’m not going to complain about the past…” Huh, what?! What that mean?! Ok ladies…this will be the first interpreted phrase of "chump-speak" of the day: This statement usually means he has “Tommy-itis”…aka “he ain’t got no job!”.

The next flag appeared when he made the statement, “My cousin is suppose to help fix my car later this week…, yeah, uh, it needs a new motor.” Are you serious, dude? What?? Now ladies, I’m not sure about the fixings and makings of cars, but a motor is what makes a car…well, …a car, right?!! Yep, you got it, this is “chump-speak” for, “I don’t have a car.”

Phrase and red flag number three was when he said, “I’m fixing to be looking for me a place in the next couple of months”…. O_O Yeppers, you DAMN skippy, his living arrangements are questionable…aka, he’s living with his mom, step mom, auntie, etc….!! I'm not no where interested in what you "fixin" to do! What the heck-a-roni is going on here!!

Breathe, breathe… Ok, you may think I’m being a little hard on a brother, especially in these times of economic hardship and thangs…and I would agree,… IF this dude was pre-28 years old! This man was over 40!! Now, don’t get me wrong…I’ve met WONDERFUL men who are just in a bad position right now due to circumstances out of their control and that’s totally understandable, especially if you see him actively and persistently pursuing opportunities to do better for himself… No, I’m not talking about THAT dude…I’m talking about a dude who gave no indication whatsoever he has EVER lived self-sufficiently, NEVER had a job my teen-aged daughters wouldn’t compete for, NEVER responsibly driven a car without the law being after’em for irresponsible behavior behind the wheel! <_< …ok, well, THAT part I “googled”…lol Either way, he’s clearly not ready to add a woman to his mix. So I must now ask, WHY would you approach a woman in the first place? I’ve worked hard and by the Grace of God have gotten to a place where I’m happy and self-sufficient, able to take care of myself, my kids, bills, a cat and a dog…why would I want to raise a grown ass man??! When I’m out with my girlfriends on the weekend, don’t call me asking what I’m doing!! I’m out relaxing after WORKING the whole week, what are YOU doing, ‘gro? What, …you want to hang out? HOW YOU GON’ DO THAT, BRO? You ain’t got a car and I’m sure not a freakin’ taxi!! And once we got to where we were going, then what? Watch the people around us eat, drink and be merry?!! Ugh! Now you mad because I’m out doing things…and don’t have time for your foolishness! “You can just call me when you have TIME for a brother!” O_O…yeah, that’s what he said!! Needless to say, that’s going to be a call that won’t be coming ANY time soon!

MEN, you must be in a place where a female would feel secure about being if things went wrong for her, before approaching her for a relationship. If you can’t show that you’re SELF-sufficient, how are you going to take care of a woman? If you don’t have a place to live, transportation, OR a job, YOU’RE NOT IN A POSITION TO DATE YET!!! If you see a woman you’re interested in, introduce yourself with honest intent…letting her know you’re interested but is not in the position you want to be to start dating, but you’d like to have her as a friend. You may get further that way and maybe one day, when you do get your stuff together, she’ll look at you as an honest individual and friend with the possibility of going further, instead of just a dude feeding her a bunch of “Chump-Speak”!!

Until next time ya'll....Toodles!

Nothing Just Happens...

Good morning ya’ll!

This video was shared with me a while ago and today, I found it embedded in an article I was reading. So, I’m posting this video because someone out there in blog-land, needs to hear this! I especially loved the line of “Nothing just happens!” …it follows my belief of all things happen for a reason! Enjoy!

Man...just stop it!

Fellows (and girls) DO NOT ring the phone of someone new you may be interested in, outside the hours of 9am and 9pm. Now, that time span can be stretched on either side in mutually agreed upon situations but otherwise you will appear desperate and stalker-ish! It will NOT be looked upon as "ah, he's thoughtful and is thinking about me all of the time!" unless the individual you're interested in is desperate and stalker-ish also! Don't do it! Stop it!!

Enjoying the Space You're In...

Sometimes not so good things happen and at the time, you don't understand why. I'm discovering it's during these times you have the most opportunity to grow and learn. And right now, in this moment, I am very cognizant of the space and place I'm at in my life...and I've decided I'm going to enjoy it! Yep, it's that simple...instead of trying to quickly rush on to the "next phase", I think I'm going to sit back a little and coast through the phase I'm currently in.

Upon making this decision, as it would be, I'm also finding there are people who will want to pull and snatch you out of your learning and attempt to place you in the space THEY want you to be! If you've been reading my past posts, you'll know I'm somewhat newly single. At first, and sometimes even now, the feeling is ...surreal. After over 23 years, I find myself a single woman again, in a time where many things have changed since I was that 21 year old woman, just embarking on the world as an adult. I've discovered and am continuing to discover so much more about myself! Some good, some not so good...but it's all good, in the grand scheme of things!

But right now, after a lot of thinking and a little bit of reassessing, I'm finding I'm in the perfect position of great opportunity. A position of being a mature adult, with a (somewhat, lol) sound mind, who's very capable of making decisions that will put me where I need to be, aligned with the universe and the world I live in. And I will NOT be rushed through this process!

During this journey, you will find there are people who've also decided where THEY want and need to be, who are determined to pull you into that space... I WILL NOT BE MOVED! I am going to sit back, while being actively involved in living, and go at my OWN pace! I may not have the whole picture of what I want and need, but I'm faithful my God does! And until my God puts me in the place he intends for me to be, with a full realization that this is where I belong, I WILL NOT BE MOVED!

So, with that said, I'll like to offer a few words to think on:

1. Just because a person tries to place a title/label on you, doesn't mean that's who you are, unless YOU decide to accept that title/label.

2. Never put someone else' wants/desires/feelings ahead of yours, for things that affects you, when they're clearly not making your feelings a priority.

3. Sometimes it's ok to sit back and stay out of a fight that you were never meant to be a part of anyway.

I truly hope this makes some kind of sense to you, dear readers...sometimes, in my attempt to capture what I'm feeling at the moment, I assume you've all been with me during the whole ride. Until next time.... ~Toodles!!

My Strength Does Not Make You Weak!

I was watching a video by a Youtuber (posted below) who was speaking on the statement “Women Today ain’t like the Women of Yesterday”. The male speaker asked the following questions, “How can someone make that statement when the women of yesterday weren’t allowed/didn’t have a voice? How would the people of today even know how the women of yesterday felt or thought, when they didn’t even KNOW them? Never listened to them?” Surprisingly, or not so surprisingly, his questions brought on an onslaught of negativity from “today’s” fellows who were basically saying the speaker was “whipped”. It was almost unbelievable some men felt he was being less just because he was standing up for women and their rights as true partners within a relationship. *Note I said it was “almost unbelievable”!

A man who feels he has to rule with an iron fist, in my opinion, at the most, has issues with his own manhood and at the least, is a dictator. A man who cannot accept a woman’s contribution to the relationship is foolish in that he would rather settle for a foundation that is only half as strong as it could be, just to satisfy his ego.

All of this to say, Fellows…when your woman has a skill, talent or opinion, accept and listen! Take what she has to say into consideration and don’t automatically dismiss it just because you feel YOU have to be the final say. Taking what she has to offer and contribute, in fact, makes you a much wiser counsel, in that you would look into ALL suggestions and options, and then choose what’s best for you all! No, her strengths do NOT make you weaker… but it can make you both stronger. ~Toodles!

My Adventures...chapter 1 ...Speed Dating!

Whew! Well I said it….you will be one of the first to hear about my many upcoming social “adventures” so here goes… Ok, so, earlier this week, a co-worker/friend and I went to a speed-dating event and I have to admit, I had sooooo much fun! Mind you, this was the absolute first time I’ve ever participated in anything like this.

The venue was in a really nice hotel bar/lounge in DC where cars are valet and validated, and the attendants are very friendly and patient. So after passing along our keys to the attendants, we entered the hotel lobby, ready to take on this new adventure!

We planned to get there a little bit early just to give us time to chill out and do a pre-scan of who may be participating in the event. It also gave me the opportunity to hit the hostess of the venue up with a few questions, trying to gauge what type of turnout to expect and she was glad to partake, full of information on past guests. Mind you, this was a first for both me and my co-worker/friend so we were trying to prepare ourselves accordingly.

We then went to the bar and ordered a supposedly “nerve-calming” glass of wine and a light appetizer to settle our anxious stomachs. After a few minutes, we noticed some of the females moving towards the meeting room, so we followed suit. I have to admit, I started to get slightly disappointed in that all I saw were about three men, and they were of the 5’ 5” and shorter variety. But I decided to keep a positive attitude and just chalk it up to an adventure and press on if a better turnout just wasn't in the cards that night.

Once the hostesses of the speed-dating group asked the approximately 20 /22 women to sit at individual tables, she then asked the men to come in and like ninjas in the night, about 20 men seemed to appear out of nowhere! I later found out men like to stay out of sight so as to avoid the prejudging they feel women have a tendency to do…and they may have been very correct in that assessment.

Well, after about an hour or so later, the event was over. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time and it was quite refreshing to know there are normal, decent men-folk out there. Was there a “connection” made? ...maybe not but I do know I would love to do this again, if for nothing but the laughs and chance to talk and meet with new people.

If you are single and want to try a new and different way of meeting new folks, speed-dating may just be for you! Find a reputable event planner who hosts successful events and just go for it! Who knows, you may find your Mr Right…and with the right attitude, the worse that can happen is you meet a few new people!

Well, until the next adventure...and there will be a next one, toodles!

Unchartered Territory

Lately, I’ve been trying to fully participate in this space I find myself in. This space called “single”….NOT to be confused with loneliness, …no, just being solo, relationship-wise, post legal adulthood. I left the comforting arms of my parents once I turned 18 to join the military; was married from the ripe old age of 21 until exactly twenty-nine days after my 45th birthday. There’s only been one serious relationship since, which ended a few weeks ago, and now I find myself….single. Even during the divorce/ separation process, I had lawyers and other distractions to give me that false sense of security. This is my very first time being out here truly on my own, without parents, the military, a spouse or boyfriend to provide that safety net and to be honest, it’s ENLIGHTENING. I’m learning so much about myself at this time as I’m forced to only deal with me in the decisions I make and the directions I take.

This space… is a somewhat calming place. There are no expectations, therefore there are no disappointments deriving from an outside source, other than myself; if I want to go somewhere or do something, I don’t feel obligated to get anyone else’s participation or consensus; and surprisingly, my phone has “detached” itself from its permanent spot on my hip!

I remember all of the things that intrigued me during the time I was married…all of the spontaneous and “new” concepts that are now out there that weren’t there prior to my “marital bliss”. Things such as travel and social meetup.com groups, impromptu daytrips, online dating, speed dating, heck, dating period! In fact, that’s something else I’m discovering….I haven’t truly “dated” in over 24 years! I’m not saying I haven’t been on a date, but to actually “date”? It’s been a while. My last relationship kinda skipped that part; we went from “hello” to “you’re my man/woman” and I do believe this fact played a major part in its demise, but I digress...

These new and spontaneous concepts…. I want to experience them ALL! And what better time than now, to do that! So, which do I start with? Actually, I’ve already started perusing the meetup.com groups to find like-minded folks to do all of these newly found things with! I’ve even joined a couple of them! The rest of the items are on my “to do” list and I plan on getting involved with those sooner rather than later. And guess who will be one of the first to know about each of these experiences? Why YOU, my dearest reader…that’s who!! ;-)

"A Season"

Standing back, watching the sun slowly set in the horizon;

Remembering waking up to its bright and lovely rays after so much rain

Basking in the afternoon sunshine,

Walking amongst the evening beams,

You were a beautiful day while it lasted.


© Trena Jones, August 2012

Letting Go...

A few days ago I made a decision to end a relationship that was very important to me. It wasn’t sudden but it didn’t require months upon months to attempt to figure out. In the last couple months of that relationship, I felt alone; even though there were daily conversations, there was only minimal connection.

I’ve been known to advise folks,… no, I’ve dictated and stressed the point, of not making excuses for other folks bad behavior. If you read further back in my postings you will see my occasional rant about making your partner a priority when you’re only an option to them…where I would say, “if he REALLY wanted to be with you, nothing on God’s green earth would stop him from doing that!” And yet, here I was…questioning myself on whether or not I made the right decision in attempting to end this before my feelings and attitude turned into something negative. When lately, it seemed, ANYTHING could quickly place me on the back burner of his attention…making plans and not following through; numerous conversations about what was needed in the relationship with promises to “work on it” but no actions behind the declarations; outside forces that may have influenced decisions made, whether intentional or not on their parts.

*sidenote here: Folks, friends are good to have but if your partner is hearing about what “they” are saying about them, yet have never had the pleasure to meet them, a problem may arise. Not just one of the everyday problems that’s bound to happen in any relationship, but one of those “I-can’t-speak-honestly-about-this-to-you-because-I-know-how-much-this-friend(ship)-means-to-you” types of problems…or an “I-don’t-want-to-negatively-affect-your-friendship-by-expressing-what-I-feel-because-I-know-they-are-important-to-you” types of problems…second only to children and religion.

To be fair, he had a plan…to work hard and get in a better position life-wise. I totally got that. However, when time is found for any other extra thing, why couldn’t time be found to spend with me? When I expressed a concern, instead of addressing it, I’m charged with being negative and/or thinking negatively? When my requests and time are no longer important or respected? I just wasn’t a priority anymore. So I had to let go.

Settling…or Being Realistic?

Alright folks, let's pull out the “Must Have” lists…yep, that list which names all of the things your dream guy or girl has got to have in order for us to be happy with them. We all have them, those lists... some written down while others are subconsciously engrained in the back of our minds.

We’ve heard our girlfriends talk about how they want a man who has a six-figure paycheck, perfect body, intelligent and kind. >_> …ok, by a show of hands, how many of ya’ll, after hearing this come from one of your friends, have said to yourself, “Honey, how you gonna want all that when you barely making ends meet, is overweight and mean as a bull?” Or fellows, you’ve heard your homeboys talk about how his woman’s gotta be fine as wine, has a flawless face, and is submissive to boot? And your thoughts were, “Man, how you gon’ get all that when you straight “tore up from the floor up” yourself?” LOL!! It's a true trip out here ya'll! Folks are making their lists and checking them twice! I've heard friends name all sorts of minor behavior or some trivial slight as “deal breakers”, while I’m saying to myself….Girl…Really? …smh…

But seriously, expectations are fine and to want someone who’s complimentary to you, is even better, but when does the “list” go too far? Is it reality to think you’re going to find that perfect person who just so happens to be kind, generous, fine, smart, WHO ACTUALLY WANTS YOU and don’t mind putting up with all the lack of things you’re NOT bringing to the table? Hey, it can happen…. but if you haven’t won the lottery lately, I wouldn’t bet on it.

No way am I saying settle for someone who you can’t even stand to look at or hang out with. All I’m saying is, people, give the average man and woman a chance! Please allow them and yourselves the opportunity to meet. You just never know….your “Mr Do Right” may be just around the corner…or just hanging on the corner (just kidding!)? Besides, perfection makes you work too hard! ..lol...


How you gonna demand this:

when you look like this:

...I'm just saying... ~Toodles!

A Good Match is Hard to Find

A day or so ago, I was speaking with a couple of my single girlfriends. One topic that continuously comes up is ...”Why is it so hard to find a man?”! It’s not that it’s hard to find a man, per se, but the ones they’re meeting never seem to “match”!! You may be asking yourself.. “JustTrena, what in the world are you talking about?” LOL..Ok, I’ll explain…

Do you remember the movie “Friday”, starring Chris Tucker and Ice Cube? In that movie, Chris’ character went on a rant about how “Craig and ‘em” never had anything that matched… “…Either y'all got Kool-Aid no sugar, peanut butter no jelly, ham, no burger. Daamn. ...!” That same dilemma is what many single women are facing now-a-days! It seems there are not many men out there that match! You have the “asshole who’s financially stable”; the “nice guy who’s broke”; the “charming but insecure” dude; the “tall illiterate guy”; the “super short intelligent man”…and the list goes on! Where are the financially secure nice guys at? Or the charming yet secure dudes? …. <_< … O_O... >_> … Anyone knows??

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there’s ANYTHING wrong with a tall guy or a short guy or whatever other trait an individual may or may not prefer, but where are the men with the traits that match and complete the whole picture when it comes to women’s preferences? One girlfriend said she met the most generous and kind dude….turns out he’s insecure and needy! What’s up with that?! Another friend met a gorgeous guy…why is he about three steps from illiterate? I mean, really??

Some men say once women get to a certain financial status, we become “stuck up” and/or “hard to please”. That may be true for some but for the women I associate with, it’s just boils down to not being able to find a decent “match”. Yeah, there’s always that self-proclaimed “nice guy” who’s constantly on one, talking about how nice he is and how women overlook him for the “bad boys”. Man, whatever! I feel any dude who has to make the announcement about how “nice” he is, probably isn’t really that nice and/or don’t “match”!! Yeah, dude, you may think you’re nice but how long do you expect a woman to stick around if you’re insecure? Or needy? Or always worried about the next dude? Sheesh….

I definitely know that money doesn’t make a man or that a nice body doesn’t make a nice person….but come on ya’ll…can a girl get some freakin’ Kool-Aid AND sugar??!! LOL…

Man... just stop it!!

Men, if you are using your luxury cars and other worldly possessions to get and attract women, don’t get mad when that’s what attracts them to you! If you consider that type of woman to be a “gold-digger”, then you, Dear Sirs, are “gold-mines”! Stop it!!

Just smile...say "Hello!"...keep it moving...

As mentioned in the post below, the lyrics to Wale’s song “Diary” is a true testament to the way many women act and many men feel. Are we our own worst enemies when it comes to moving beyond our past relationships and past hurts?

I’ve heard many men say they’re very hesitant to even say hello to black women because “they always act like somebody trying to get with them…why can’t a brotha’ just speak to ya’ll without all the attitude?” >_> Yeah, ladies, ya’ll know we’re guilty of it, and I’ve acknowledged my part in it EXCEPT I’m making an effort to cease and desist the foolishness! To be honest, my reaction wasn’t due to the fact I may have thought dude wanted to get with me; my reaction was because I’m such a FREAKIN’ CHICKEN when it comes to men! Yeah, I can talk and joke around until the cows come home but try that one-on-one thing and I’m doing the old shoe scuff, leg swing thing…

Yeah, that’s me….sad, isn’t it?

Maybe women do have bad experiences with some menfolk who decide if you don’t go beyond the “good morning”, you’re acting some kind of way and they then feel it’s their personal life’s quest to tell you what they feel you’re acting like {insert the “B” word here}. So to counter the expected “dish”, females just cut it all off short. The only problem with this is, if the dude ISN’T trying to flirt and/or being ignorant, you’ve dogged an innocent bystander!

After personally being in a relationship that didn’t work out, I know there can be shell-shock after one goes wrong; I can only imagine if someone has gone through several bad breakups/relationships. But I’ve always felt, no matter how many buttholes you meet, there’s got to be a prince mixed in the group somewhere. I mean, I have male friends who are nice, cool dudes and I know they’re not the only ones out there. One assclown doeth not maketh them all. Yes, I have faith in the male species!! Besides, that same assclown may have been one of the “good guys” before an untrusting, hurt woman turned him otherwise.

Ok, all of this to say…stop ignoring, disrespecting, judging, emasculating, etc…our brothers on the basis of a few (or many) assclowns. The effort it takes to smile and simply say “hello” is much less stress than the whole “anticipation of a confrontation” that happens when we’re walking along, see a brotha’ approaching, then deciphering ALL of the conversation we have in our heads about how we’re going to ignore him. Smile….”hello”…keep it moving” …see? …not even two seconds…

**For those who didn’t do the assigned homework (google lyrics) here are the lyrics to Wale’s song “Diary” (video below):

“If I told you I wanted to talk to you,
You think I'm try'na holla at you,
And maybe I am but,
You wouldn't hear me out anyway's would you? ,
Rather lose love than to move on never knowing what it feel like,
Short days, long nights,
By the phone, no call,
Need a clear mind 'cause I been blind, got me goin' down that road,
Heart made of stone,
Far away from home,
Black woman you cold,
Every problem you ever had with another man I gotta face,
Started off on thin ice,
I'm still here but I can't skate,
Slow sink, can't breath, no remorse, don't think,
Listen to your friend get another man for a minute then repeat,
Queen, you deserve the title but she rejects what I give, while she nurse the wounds by them,
Tried them, didn't work, got impossible standards, nothing I'm a do is gon' work,
Diary of a black girl,

[chorus]
I wonder why I sit and cry,
Wish I could shed all these tears,
I'm down and out,
I'll keep on moving and tryna get out,
I don't know how to move on,
Where I went wrong,
I wish I could live with no fear,
So down and out,
I'll keep it moving and tryna get out,
Somehow,

Raised by a momma who, who,
Hates her baby father so, so
She don't have a problem with, with,
Saying fuck a nigga Quick, quick,
I'm just tryna be the one who never run, but you run away from me,
Girlfriends man cheat, cheat,
Why not me the same thing,
She can't see in me, what I see in her,
This pain she inherit can't be reversed,
I can't even stay living in the shade of all the motherfuckers who played you,
The irony in that is that I aint even that, but you put in these pages,
Wife, you deserve the label but, but, you been hurt before so you don't feel your able,
Tried them didn't work, got impossible standards, nothing that I ever do works,
Diary of a black girl,

[chorus]

See all I wanna do is be relevant,
Just tell me that I ever meant anything more,
That you could ever see me and you in another light,
But its like the dark women indoors in the darkest nights by the wrong man,
see all of them have made you incapable of a first impression,
what it do is I channel my aggression with no cable or antenna,
Just intentions to impress you if capable,
Hoping that the material possessions can materialize to a better you,
Cars, nothing I drive can drive you out of this frame of mind,
For such an ugly picture and,
Money, nothing I buy can buy more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it,
Diamonds, a girl's best friend is what they say but believe me with the right allegiance shorty you gonna shine anyways,
and everyday that goes by is a couple more lines in her diary,
the day before is better than the present,
so anyone presented in her presence endures these life sentences,
there's no key for release,
no reason to be around,
her minds in the clouds,
she writes it all down,
in her diary.”

Later ya'll! *Check out Wale's "Family Affair"...another deep song lyrically!

"Diary" by Wale featuring Marsha Ambrosius

I'm just now hearing this song by Wale called "Diary" and in my next post, I will discuss this topic a little further... this song is deep and the lyrics are amazing. When you have a free moment, please Google to see the complete set of lyrics. There's a part in the song that goes:

"See all I wanna do is be relevant, Just tell me that I ever meant anything more. That you could ever see me and you in another light. But its like the dark women indoors in the darkest nights by the wrong man, see all of them have made you incapable of a first impression. What it do is I channel my aggression with no cable or antenna, just intentions to impress you if capable. Hoping that the material possessions can materialize to a better you. Cars, nothing I drive can drive you out of this frame of mind, for such an ugly picture and, Money, nothing I buy can buy more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it, Diamonds, a girl's best friend is what they say but believe me with the right allegiance shorty you gonna shine anyways..."

Ya’ll, we have to talk about this one! See you in a few!!

Who's the Boss?

My entrepreneur spirit has been stirring wildly lately. I don’t want to endeavor into the “pyramids” or other “join-my-line-so-we-can-all-make-money” schemes. I want to do something that's creative and I enjoy doing, that’s not being offered on every single corner you pass. I want to provide a service that's uniquely "me" and uses my specific talents; one where my success does not depend on anyone but myself; and it's something that I can put my name on. So, as lovely and wonderful as they are, no thanks Avon, MaryKay, etc… that's not for me at this time!

So, now comes the hard part….what am I good at that someone would pay for? I posed this question to some close family members and friends… here’s the list I got:

a. Event planner
b. Hair braider
c. Psychologist (no professional training AT ALL!)
d. Writer

…and for the record, here are the businesses I’ve started in the past:

a. Daycare owner (did VERY well with that one!)
b. Virtual Assistant (never launched but still…)
c. Gift basket business (would have done well if I’d done more “marketing” of the business)

I know the obvious answer would be to go into one of the businesses I’ve already had a taste of…but being a Daycare owner isn’t in the cards at this time for me; being a Virtual Assistant would just seem too much of an extension of what I used to do professionally and holds no true interest for me right now. However, creating beautiful, unique gift baskets…hmmm, maybe. During the short period of producing unique gift baskets, I had the opportunity to do quite a few unique creations! And every customer was highly satisfied…it just seemed my free time just ran out…

Here are a few samples of Gift Baskets I created:

This one was a "Tea Basket" for a retiring co-worker, based on her likes/preferences:

This basket consisted of two ceramic mugs, a variety of teas, hot chocolates, jams, crackers, scones, stirrers, etc…all sitting in a leather-like bed tray.

This one was created for a contractor friend for her Raven's fan boyfriend...purple and gold:

Of course you can see the theme in that one!

Darling Dora:

This Dora bag had purple and pink everything...nail polish, files, even a big purple bottle of bubble bath (in what looked like a champagne bottle), all stuffed in a Dora bag.

All Things Chocolate:

I couldn't believe chocolate bubble gum existed but I found it! lol

The last one I'll post was for a new baby:

...bibs, washclothes, booties, books...

And may I add, all accouterments were handmade by moi!

Surprisingly, you know, just pulling these pictures up has seriously peaked my interest again.…hmmm, maybe I really need to think about restarting this business! It surely meets my criteria of being a business that will allow me to be "uniquely" me; I'll only have myself to hold accountable, and I can definitely put my name on this one!

I'll keep ya'll posted!! I'm off to do a little "catch-up" research on gift baskets!! Later!

HAPPY 4th of JULY FOLKS!!

Hey Ya’ll!

Just a short stop in to say I hope you all had a wonderful 4th of July!! Mine was spent in the sun playing, cooking out and swimming at Westmoreland State Park in Virginia and then on to Colonial Beach (in Virginia also) to watch the fireworks. It was so much fun! The only down side was I had to wake up early this morning to drag myself in to work but even that part is okay …better to have a job to drag into than not, so no complaints from me!! Chat with ya later!

*Smooches!!

Man...just stop it! *Introduction to my new thang...

Hey Ya'll,
I've decided to start making "things you should know but need to be reminded of" posts. These posts will be my attempt in "reminding" you of actions you (or someone you know) may be guilty of but haven't recognized it within yourself yet. Hope you enjoy and get something out of 'em!

29 June 2012

Man, just stop it! Ladies, when you feel that overwhelming need to “educate” the public about someone, please know, whenever you down another woman who is receiving compliments, you look like a hater. Who cares if “it’s not her real hair” or “those are fake” or “that’s been photo-shopped”? Even if well-intentioned (which it’s usually not), you will look like a hater. Stop it!

The Best of ...Both Worlds?

Yesterday my daughter and I had the conversation of which generation was the “last of the best”; the generation that had wonderful childhood settings as well as potential-filled futures as adults. She felt it was hers (Generation Y) because she feels the teenagers of today have a hand in a technological savvy world and pretty much has access to anything, far and wide, as long as they have the required resources. She also believes, mentally (book-wise) they are smarter.

I disagreed to a certain extent because I believe my generation (Generation X) had the best of both worlds; we got the opportunity to experience the “old” ways and the “new” ways (typewriters and iPads; board/outdoor games and Wiis, rotary phones and smart phones, etc…). We seemed to be the last generation where it was safe to be outside past dusk for the most part, music and art were major subjects in schools, pride in country was a good thing, neighbors seemed to actually care about and watched out for others, the majority of children were raised to be respectful of their elders, and unless they knew something we didn’t down in the south, I can never recall where being outside was detrimental to our health! Back then, punishment was having to come inside from playing; now-a-days, going outside is the punishment! And while I agree kids today are tons smarter, kids of old had stronger minds (and bodies). In my opinion, it seems we were more capable of handling conflict and while I don’t have any definable proof, we were less likely to do mass ragings…back then.

With all of that being said, although Generation X may have had the last of the good childhoods, we are also responsible for this mess of folks being raised now! So yeah, we had it good but we screwed up, big time! We are the generation that has allowed outsiders into the way we discipline our children, we allowed folks to take “God” out of schools, we worked hard for what we had as children but when we begat children of our own, we took away that pride of hard word to replace it with “I want my kids to have better than I did NOW”. Maybe this is because the world we’re living in is affected with an “instant gratification” type of mentality. Yeah, we’re able to now access things like never before but our mind-set has changed from “I’ll work towards being able to have it” to “how fast can we get it and can we get it before the proverbial “Jones” gets it!” ..and the list goes on.

Is it because of the duality of worlds, having a hand in the worlds of old AND new that has messed things up like they seem to be now? Are there trends in history that show how a generation gets lost after an “old and new world” generation exists? Maybe one day I’ll actually research that…

*sigh...Who knows, maybe everything that’s happening here and now has happened since the beginning of time but it’s only recent we’ve been able to broadcast and get knowledge of things taking place states, countries, even worlds away. Maybe it’s because as an adult, I’m more aware of what’s going on in the world I’m living in. Maybe Baby Boomers feel the exact same way I feel about Gen X’ers (them vs us)and we're all at fault in some form or fashion. Heck, maybe I’m just getting old….

To do or not to do?

I was online recently and noticed a post about prenuptial agreements. The premise was, “if you have to have a prenup, you’re looking to fail and/or don’t trust the one you’re with”. <_< I’m pretty sure the folks saying this have never gone through a divorce. It’s not about trusting the one you’re with, it’s about being able to trust who they TURN INTO when things don’t go as planned!

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not about material things. Meaning, it’s not what or how much you have, it’s what you do with those things you do have. I’m not about trying to figure out how much cash or “things” I can take from someone…but having gone through my divorce, I now know things would have been much easier and WAY less expensive if we’d had a plan in place, aka prenup.

If I’d known …..no, if I’d had in writing who would be responsible for doing what in this event, …wow! I know at least $5,000 would have been saved…and that’s just on one party’s side! Another advantage would be you and your partner will have decided all of this during a time you were both working with logic vs. emotion. Imagine how much money would be saved if you weren’t arguing over petty things, just to “score a point”! When you are required to go through mediation and the courts, every second of “mediating” and “courting” cost money. We spent a minimum of 15 minutes, going back and forth, on whom the bookcases would go to! Bookcases, ya’ll!! In the end, I only asked for a few personal effects in the distribution of goods, just to end the unnecessary bickering....may not seem like the smart thing but trust me, "peace-of-mind" out trumps the "one up".

I’m not saying go line by line on who gets every single piece of household goods, but at least have some sort of plan set up to make things easier! How much easier it would be if it’s already agreed upon soon-to-be-hubby will take whatever pets there are because he enjoys animals way more than wifey does; or that wifey will get to keep the collection of dolphins because she’s the one who’s collecting them? Sounds petty, huh? Trust me, these are very mild examples of what can take place during such high level of anxiety and emotional upset.

Now, with all of that said, if you don’t feel it’s the right thing for you,…fine, disregard this and plow straight ahead. And I pray your relationship much success; however, if you’re not sure, at least give it a brain cell or two worth of thought!

Stuck in a Mind-Set

After being part of a couple for so many years, to all of a sudden be flung into being “single” can be quite traumatic. If you’re beyond the age of 40+, the learning curve can feel rather daunting. Not just re-learning how to do things as a singular but to also change your way of thinking non-plural. *that’s not a word? …well, how about this: to only have to consider yourself when making decisions. I know, I know…just the thought of this is overwhelming, right? “You mean to tell me, I can paint my bedroom ANY color I want without snide remarks, negotiations, or veto powers-that-be? Wait a minute,… let me catch my breath! Ok, now, don’t get me wrong, I know perfectly well there’s another side to that too…having to make the decision on whether or not to replace a doo-hickey that you know absolutely NOTHING about, can have the opposite effect. Wait a minute…let me catch my breath!

Thoughts along those lines are almost automatic in your process of detaching from plural but there are other, less obvious things you can get stuck on. The one thing I found myself jammed on was a mind-set. I was so used to thinking a certain way, of having to consider another person’s feelings for such a long time, I got temporarily stalled in the “moving on” process. Making decisions that alters your preferences because you don’t want to make “so-and-so” upset or you don’t want to have to answer any questions from “such-and-such”. What the heck?!! I owe no one anything… I’ve been the best person I know how to be and I’m living my life the way I want to. I NO LONGER HAVE TO ANSWER TO ANYONE, especially the ones who conveniently made themselves sparse while I was going through…which is a whole ‘nother blogpost, in and of itself!

Once I became aware I was harboring this mind-set it was easy to release that way of thinking to the universe, but the kicker is being aware! And sometimes awareness only comes when you feel a backwards tug on your progress. I’m sure there are more bits and pieces out there I’ve yet to identify. This one was simple… when it comes to living my personal life, I. Owe. No. One. Anything!

Life Happens...

Wow..once again, almost another two years have passed! And here I am, feeling the need to blog again! My holdup? Life!! So much has happened since October 2010! You would think “life” would inspire you to write more but it’s a lot harder to find that free time when you’re dealing with “in your face” situations. The first being….my divorce. During the year of 2011, on my birthday, (1 November), the separation process started and a year and 29 days later, I was divorced! After 23 years, my marriage legally ended …and I’m okay. Actually, I’m better than okay. The last 23 years were learning and growing years. And guess what, dear Readers? You will be privy to a few of the many life lessons I’ve acquired and hopefully you can get something out of these without having to experience it first-hand! Yaayyy!!

Lesson 1: It is okay to love and forgive; just know you must let go once the “forgiving” becomes rote and the loving is heavily one-sided.

Lesson 2: Children are truly blessings from God! They are smarter and more aware than you’ll ever suspect so “holding on” for their sake is most times just an excuse for you to hold on for your own sake!

Lesson 3: Know that the combination of prayer and faith is NO JOKE! Having God on your side and knowing He’s there with you make all the decisions feel right and will have even those who seem to be your biggest enemies work for you towards your better being.

Lesson 4: It is perfectly normal and okay to be afraid…what’s shameful is when you let that fear block and overrule the steps you need to take to get to your blessings.

Those are just a few of the many valuable lessons learned. That whole process personifies an analogy I’ve used many times before. “You have to go through it, to get to it!” You must push through the bushes that are blocking your pathway…yes, you may get scratched a little bit and you may even trip, but once you’re through it, …the other side is beautiful! And with that beauty comes the knowledge and recognition of the other bushes that will surely pop up; but then, you’ll be better equipped and will indeed know how to better maneuver though.