“I’m Almost Scared”…and other things that go bump in the night.

So, I’ve been thinking about the statement I made in the previous post and I want to expound upon what I meant by that. “I’m almost scared”…. As I said, this statement has nothing to do with who he is, it’s all about me. I don’t think “scared” is the word I’m looking for though. I’m not “full of worry or fear”. I pondered on the word “Content” (isn’t the word “pondered” such a cool word? ..lol..) but that’s not the word either because to me, to be content implies I’m kinda “making do” with something. According to the Encarta Dictionary, the word I want is “Awe”, which means “a feeling of amazement and respect mixed with fear that is often coupled with a feeling of personal insignificance or powerlessness”. BINGO!!

Ok, now that I have the word, let me dissect the meaning for you …and for me. “A feeling of amazement and respect” …this feeling is directed to GOD! We all pray for things and if we’ve lived beyond childhood, we know that sometimes some things are not good for us, even when we think we want them so badly! And when that prayer is answered, it may or may not be in the form of what we originally had in mind at the time we begin the prayer. Confused yet? Ok, here’s an example: You want/need a car, so you pray for a BMW…you get a Honda, because in reality, you may not have been able to maintain that BMW and it would have been a bad choice for you in the long run. Get me? Ok... in this situation…I got the “BMW”…

Now, the next part, “mixed with fear”…ok, so I got the BMW but what are the consequences of that? When is the “snatch back” gonna happen? Was this done intentionally to incorporate one of the many life lessons I’m supposed to learn or is this BMW REALLY for me to have? Will it be snatched away with yet another lesson learned? This is where the “fear” part fits into the equation. See, scared only included the fear, whereas the word “awe” adds all of the rest of the mix.

Finally, “with a feeling of personal insignificance or powerlessness” … this one is easy. Regardless of what the reasons are, I am totally helpless in the outcome, whatever that outcome is. Which means I’m gonna have to sit my butt down somewhere and just let the flow…flow! What a bummer… *pun intended!

Well, this was supposed to be a quick explanation but … come on now, y’all knew better than that! Lol!!

~Toodles!