Cosmic Funk

As of today, 4 September 2012, I am still enjoying my single-dom. I'm still loving the place and space I’m in and I am learning so much about myself, its unreal! One of the many things I’ve learned about “me” is, I may have had “Change a Chump” syndrome going on! “JustTrena, now what exactly is that?”..you may ask. Well, it’s the female version of “Capt Save a Ho”!! In layman’s terms, it’s basically the desire to rescue or “push to potential” another person, who may or may not wish to be “pushed”, to possibly make oneself feel special or needed. <_<… mind you, this is my “made-up phrase, so the definition can change at any given moment! Lol But lets’ clear this up ….when I say “..to possibly make oneself feel special…”, I, in no way whatsoever, feel in the slightest bit “un-special” ! However, I am smart enough to notice and acknowledge signs I may have previously overlooked. Ok, back to the topic at hand…. So, during this time of getting to know myself, I was questioning my fellow co-workers/friends as to why the universe seemed to continue to throw men who were “not where they should be” in my face! This has happened three times since my last relationship breakup! And when I say "continue", I'm talking THREE times! …No, not 3 out of 8 times, or even 3 out of 4 times, this is a whooping 3 out of 3 times this has happened!! And if anyone knows anything about me, I don’t believe in coincidences! So I had to do the hard part and reflect on ME and what it was that I was putting out there because we all know, what we project is what is drawn to us. It was during this self-reflection that this was revealed to me.

Now, the type of men I’m talking about are NOT the ones who are down on their luck due to economic circumstances and times, but these are men who have never “held it down” and may have the propensity to prey on who they think is vulnerable and/or naïve. So, this is how it would look: Me, Ms. “I will support your efforts and help you get to the next levels, with encouragement and hard work” is walking along, happy-happy, minding my own business and out of nowhere, Mr. “I live with auntie, my car is in the shop, I’m in-between jobs right now” comes along and sees me. He thinks, “Ah, she looks mighty friendly and helpful… let’s see how I can use/benefit from this situation!” And me, being the person I am, who believes everyone is capable of potential, is almost salivating to help a brother out. See? BUT THEN what happens is, my other side and perspective of what makes a “Real Man” (responsibility and accountability) comes into play and at the first sign of “leeching”, he’s outta there! *That side is usually not seen due to the bright glow of “happy-go-luckyism” that’s displayed during initial meet up! Said predator gets upset that things don’t go their way, blames me for not having time, and off they go to lick wounds.

So how do I combat attracting this type of situation and avoiding all of the drama from the get-go? Well, after recognizing what was “drawing them in”, my mindset is now one of knowing it’s not my responsibility to “raise a grown man”; my supportive nature can be used to uplift someone who is at a level comparable to mine (not necessarily just financially speaking, but also morally, situation-ally, etc) and pushing together from there. I shouldn’t have to reach back to pull a man along but we should be able to go, hand in hand, forward together.

If you find yourself being constantly approached by big sacks of mess-mess, stop and reflect upon yourself and think about what it may be you are projecting to the world and change your mindset, if you can! And just in case you’re asking, “…but JustTrena, what about the next bum…what’s going to stop him from approaching you anyway?” Well, I don’t know but I can say honestly, ever since I’ve acknowledged and CHANGED that mindset, NOT ONE CHUMP HAS APPROACHED ME!!! Coincidence? I think not. Cosmic? Just maybe!! ~Toodles!