le sigh.... *randomness... (drafted Feb 2015, forgot to publish...duh.)

While everyone and their mamas are preparing to watch the Superbowl game, I’m here, at home, alone. Not lonely, …just alone. And what better circumstance is there to write? Well, there have been a few things on my mind lately … One thing is the realization I am in control of how I feel at any given moment, about any given situation. This was a great revelation a few days ago while trying to maneuver through the madness that is work but now, for some reason, I’m stuck. At this minute, this very second, right now…I’m stuck. I’m satisfied, yet restless.

Ok, this is what’s revolving around my head right now. First, I’ve started a new (recycled from the past) business of creating gift items. I’m busy advertising and trying to get myself and business name out there. I’ve created a website (www.planningdaydreams.com just in case you’re interested!); I’ve created a facebook page (www.facebook.com/planningdaydreams again, just in case). I’m in the midst of a give-away to get the brand out there to the ‘public’, in fact, I’ve already completed my first sale item and I’ve created and ordered business cards. *sigh…

The next thing is my relationship with Baby. This is the most wonderful, amazing, in-sync relationship I’ve experienced! He’s everything I want and need in a man. He had to work this morning and because of the distance, I wasn’t able to see him today but we’ve communicated and I’m sure we’ll talk more later this evening. He supports me, understands me, and makes me feel secure in all ways. He makes me smile. I’m happy.

Lastly, my most recent home improvement project is complete. I finally got the wood floors I've dreamed of since moving into my home and they are more beautiful than I imagined. My space is clean and comfortable and I've enjoyed a late lunch and dessert (ColdStone Ice Cream!)

Now…? Now…I think I must finally sit my butt down somewhere and just BREATHE. Just RELAX. Just BE. I guess that’s a good thing. In fact, I'm sure that's a good thing. ...It's ALL good.

Forced Patience

It seems lately I’m feeling some type of way. I feel as if I’m standing before the “next step” creatively speaking, but am being held back from taking it. And it’s not just one “next step”, but several. I want to write, create, speak, vlog, everything! I want to do all of my passions…NOW! At this moment, I’ve worked on creating yet another venture for myself…vlogging. I included another individual to be a part of this project. See, my issue is, I’ve done this before..included someone in on my idea, only to be thwarted and/or held back by lack of action on their part, rather intentional or not. I find myself here again.

Now don’t get me wrong. I would love to have a partner in this but situations in my partner’s life have halted progress. I don’t want to be insensitive because I know it’s legitimate. But this creative bubble inside is about to burst out of me! Honestly, I’m willing to wait, I guess, but I fear it will be a permanent wait.

My options now are: 1. Start the project solo, awaiting my partner’s joining; 2. Start a similar, individual project, by myself; 3. Just wait. *le sigh….

Start of Something New...

I'm uncertain. And anxious. And nervous. And all the other emotions that come with trying something new. I'm in the process of launching a new business. It's a Gift Item/Event Planning business. I'm feeling some type of way, not because starting a business is new for me, but because this is the first time I'm advertising a business I've started across all of my contacts. All of my contacts, meaning, not just my family and unknown strangers, but to include using social media. By using social media, I've opened the door for all of my friends and so-called friends, to "make me feel some type of way" about my choices.

I read this quote by motivational speaker Tony Gaskins, that said "Don't denounce your greatness because cowards have an opinion. People who are afraid to add to the world criticize those who are trying. Don't be afraid to be amazing." I keep reading this quote because it's perfect for me at this moment. I think I'll be visiting this quote a lot in the next few days. Pray for me y'all.

BTW...more information about my new business can be found at the following: www.planningdaydreams.com and www.facebook.com/planningdaydreams Visit me when you get a free moment! I look forward to hearing from you!!

~Toodles!

"Timing"

"Dodging the connection with the childhood crush, the one who had the potential to keep me locked in a situation much longer than I should have been; feeling like fate was against me for blocking the “date of a lifetime”. Missing the encounter on the train, believing my destined mate bypassed me due to bad timing when in reality, the timing was perfect, preparing my psyche to know someone existed that could move me with a mere glance of his visual. The many nights wondering why I stayed so long, when destiny knew you weren’t ready for me nor I, you just yet. Feeling your presence on a spiritual level but not able to grasp the physical you. The pain of broken hearts, lies, betrayals and misconceived limitations. Thinking I was missing out on living when I was just waiting for life, preparing and placing me in your pathway." ~JustTrena

“I’m Almost Scared”…and other things that go bump in the night.

So, I’ve been thinking about the statement I made in the previous post and I want to expound upon what I meant by that. “I’m almost scared”…. As I said, this statement has nothing to do with who he is, it’s all about me. I don’t think “scared” is the word I’m looking for though. I’m not “full of worry or fear”. I pondered on the word “Content” (isn’t the word “pondered” such a cool word? ..lol..) but that’s not the word either because to me, to be content implies I’m kinda “making do” with something. According to the Encarta Dictionary, the word I want is “Awe”, which means “a feeling of amazement and respect mixed with fear that is often coupled with a feeling of personal insignificance or powerlessness”. BINGO!!

Ok, now that I have the word, let me dissect the meaning for you …and for me. “A feeling of amazement and respect” …this feeling is directed to GOD! We all pray for things and if we’ve lived beyond childhood, we know that sometimes some things are not good for us, even when we think we want them so badly! And when that prayer is answered, it may or may not be in the form of what we originally had in mind at the time we begin the prayer. Confused yet? Ok, here’s an example: You want/need a car, so you pray for a BMW…you get a Honda, because in reality, you may not have been able to maintain that BMW and it would have been a bad choice for you in the long run. Get me? Ok... in this situation…I got the “BMW”…

Now, the next part, “mixed with fear”…ok, so I got the BMW but what are the consequences of that? When is the “snatch back” gonna happen? Was this done intentionally to incorporate one of the many life lessons I’m supposed to learn or is this BMW REALLY for me to have? Will it be snatched away with yet another lesson learned? This is where the “fear” part fits into the equation. See, scared only included the fear, whereas the word “awe” adds all of the rest of the mix.

Finally, “with a feeling of personal insignificance or powerlessness” … this one is easy. Regardless of what the reasons are, I am totally helpless in the outcome, whatever that outcome is. Which means I’m gonna have to sit my butt down somewhere and just let the flow…flow! What a bummer… *pun intended!

Well, this was supposed to be a quick explanation but … come on now, y’all knew better than that! Lol!!

~Toodles!

Wide Open ...or Nah??

My original intent was to sign on and journal my most recent happenings. But I find myself hesitating…not because I don’t want to write about it but because the subject of my attention my read this one day soon. Sooner than the required amount of time has passed..and no, I don’t know when that time is at this moment. And as open as I am, I’m not sure if it would be wise of me to put it ALL out there, risking spoiling a part of the discovery process for him. Therefore, instead of the “gushing and sickening mushing” of this situation, I’ll stick to the peripheral of things …lol.. Well, I may go there a little bit…get your barf bags ready, just in case! ..lol..

I know what you’re thinking…. “Here we go again”, right? Well, no…it’s not right. At least not 100% right. Yeah, here "we go" with me meeting someone new. But my reaction is totally different this time around. Why? Because this one, this one is ….different. I’m almost scared. Not because of anything that is him, this is all about me this time.

Wait a minute, let me clarify… Last dude had the outside things, well, attempted to portray himself as having all of the outside things, with "outside" meaning the basic person…the characteristics of a good person. THIS one though…it seems to travel along a deeper plane. “What the heck are you talking about JustTrena?” <-- that’s what you’re saying right? Ok, let me see how I can explain this…. India Arie has a song titled “The Truth” (I’ll attempt to post it below). There’s a verse in that song that defines what I’m feeling right now:

“I remember the very first day that I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
Its almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband and maybe he was my wife
And even, the things I don't like about him are fine with me
Because its not hard for me to understand him because he's so much like me
And its truly my pleasure to share his company
And I know that it's God's gift to breathe the air he breathes”

Now, the risk in posting this? If, by chance, he happens to read this before it’s expressed outside of this forum, I don’t want him to feel any pressure from this. No, I’m not stalking, no I’m not (that) pressed, no, I’m not demanding anything extra of him. It’s just the way I feel right now. I'll explore and post more later...

Oh! Here's the video (or nah!):



~Toodles!

The "Fader"....

So, dear readers, I decided to move on… and now, after several weeks, the decision to move on was 100% on point. Not only was it on point but it allowed me to be open and ready to meet someone new. But you know I must tell you all about the update. First… The “Fader”…

Ok, he is labeled “the Fader” because that’s basically what he did. After his “confessions”, he started to fade. Probably the best decision in this whole thing because if he’d remained in my face, I wouldn’t have been able to navigate beyond the “human factor”. What does that mean?, you may ask... Well, basically, I’ve learned I have a propensity to try to use the human factor as an excuse for some bad behavior. So, after that last post, I decided to cut the connection. Yep, I cared for him but …did I really?

No, wait a minute, hear me out…lol. Yeah, the image he projected was awesome and that is what I fell for…in reality, that image never existed, at least not with him. So, once I wrapped my mind around that concept, the disconnection was a lot easier than I anticipated. Simply put, the person I’d fallen for didn’t exist…and who, but a crazy person, would continue to cling to a phantom? Surely not I!

So, the disconnect happened. And just like always, once a Fader feels YOU have faded or are fading, they attempt to reappear. Sure enough, he came back …strongly. So much so, I had to block his number because he obviously wasn’t hearing me say I’d moved on. And because the disconnect had happened, I felt nothing …except the sweet breeze of victory over a mess. *whoosahhhh! ..lol..

Lesson? Hmm, there’s a few… My lesson was every relationship is surely a lesson and even when you’re not trying to learn anything new, it’s ALWAYS for the best. His lesson? Don’t know if it’s soaked in yet but it should be 'you should only expect one chance to do the right thing.' No one is guaranteed a second, third, chance. Your lesson? Yeah, you get one too…. When given the opportunity to do the right thing, choose wisely, knowing the possible consequences and being sure you’re able to live with the worse possible scenario.

Well so ends another chapter of my dating life….BUT my story continues and I’m still reading my “book”.. and this upcoming chapter has me very excited!! *wink…

~Toodles!

Dear Diary….

Lately I’ve been feeling as if I’m floating through time, not really actively participating in “living”, just …floating through the days. Why? Yeah, I know exactly why…it’s because I finally feel as if I’ve found the “one” for me and it’s not all clouds and sunshine. In fact, I don’t even know if “it” really exists at this point.

Yeah, sooo, what had happened was…it all started off great. There was great, consistent conversation, fun dates, laughs, flirting, …you know, all that makes the beginning wonderful. And then tragedy hit. A deployment for his job, a death in his family, and the “confessions”…and now that all of THAT is out and cleared, when it should be smooth sailing because we have gotten through what most would consider the “hard part”, things have come to a screeching halt. Contact is sporadic, visits are few and far between, attitudes …or should I say MY attitude, is moving in a dangerous direction for this relationship.

You see, I know me. I know, once I begin to feel a disconnect with my significant other, the unravel is close by. Don’t get me wrong…. I want this man! With all of his imperfections….I want this man. I care about him and honestly feel as if he cares about me. He’s intelligent, responsible, smart, fun (and funny!), and kind; tall, good looking, nice body, and beautiful hands! So, what’s really going on?

*Drum roll…. I don’t know. He experienced a huge loss and I understand grief, as I lost both my parents within three months of each other. Yeah, I know grief. And I understand folks deal with loss differently…he needs space and time. I get that. And I want to be fair and allow him the time/space he needs. But my question becomes, why does he have time and space for neighbors and other friends / family? Why does it seem as if I’m the one who’ve been placed so low on the priority list?

I have a friend who once told me she’d told her man that “he was the only thing she had to lose”. At the time, I thought the statement was hard and heartless. Now I understand it all too well. I love this man. But I also love myself. To get so wrapped up into this without direction, understanding or commitment would be to risk the loss of myself, and all of the other responsibilities I’m accountable for. I can’t afford to lose me or the tasks of taking care of my children and soon-to-come grandbaby. So, when it comes down to it, the only option I have is to give up on “us”.… the only thing I have to lose is him.

I don’t understand the relationship right now. Are we together or not? He’d planned to spend the weekend with me; that didn’t happen. Not only did it not happen, I haven’t heard from him since Friday evening…and it’s Sunday afternoon now. Do I pull all the way back and let him have the chance to figure out if “us” is something he still wants to pursue? Am I supposed to passively “wait” for him to decide? I don’t know. Never been here before. So, I guess I will continue to “float” for a while. Float, float, float on…. *sigh.

~Toodles!

Did Y'all See That?? ...and other strange happenings.

Ok y’all…I’ve noticed something rather peculiar lately…

Do y’all believe menfolk act out in cycles? No, ….seriously. I’m asking because, for the last few weeks, I’ve noticed the males surrounding me personally, to some extent, whether negatively or positively, seem to come at me around the same time, each time! I’ve begun to “track” these bouts of chance to see if there really is a cycle. The first tracked incident took place on/around Mother’s Day (May 10th -11th); this carried on for about 48 hours and was more of a negative cycle, where I was either blamed, accused, affronted. The next one I experienced was this weekend, Memorial Day (May 25th – 26th) weekend, and it felt more of a positive cycle…maybe the correct term would be more amorous, I should say. And, it’s not just 1 or 2 of the same men, it’s various male figures each time!

Now, I know my smart readers may be saying, “JustTrena, maybe it’s YOU that’s cycling out different emotions to these individuals!” I honestly thought about that and….naw, it’s not me. My reasoning being, the men involved in this madness aren’t all in my usual circle of existence. The degree of familiarity ranges from ex-spouse to a one time meet! Heck…or a never met! When I think about it, there was another incident before Mother’s Day when this phenomenon happened!! …I can’t recall the dates so I can’t track that one but I will be on the lookout for when this happens again! Just wish those suckers would go into a “generosity” phase… a sista got bills!!

~Toodles!

Facebook is the .... hmmm...

Hey ya’ll. Yeah, ...another year has passed and here I am again! Lol… I make myself laugh sometimes but hey…I’m here now, right?

Before I start with my “what had happened was” story…I’ve got to fill you in on the last year, aka the "back story". As I was “sitting in the passenger seat” of finding my “Mr Right”, along came this man…just what I wanted in a mate… attentive, consistent, fun, totally open about his past, …well, at least it seemed that way at the time. But ya’ll know, if you have read my past posts, you know I don’t get into “spilling dirt” about my exes, but suffice it to say, he turned out to NOT be my Mr Right. I had to end it after eight months… and yes, it truly hurt when I finally figured this out.

Now back to my story… Ok, I was going to title this post “Facebook is the Devil” but honestly, I think I’m being unfair. In reality, Facebook has been a blessing in that I’m now able to communicate with family and friends I wouldn’t otherwise get the opportunity to do so with. It’s just another social medium and we all should understand that it’s the individual that determines how Facebook is used.

Ok, so, what had happened was, Facebook was just the final proof that “he” wasn’t mine for the keeping. All I’ll say is this, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Don’t think you’re so special you can change a leopard’s spots or a zebra’s stripes. That person can be the coolest, nicest person in the world, if he’s not ready, he’s just not ready. Even if he says he is. Go ahead, ask the obvious question… “But JustTrena, how are you to know?” Well, you don’t know. Just be aware and keep your heart open enough to know and believe all relationships are just auditions for your last TRUE RELATIONSHIP. Ok? Even when it hurts to end, you just have to press on …and move on when it’s time. I’ve moved on. Yeah, every once in a while I catch myself looking in the rear view mirror but the view is getting more and more distant. I’ll remember the trip though.

~Toodles!

Sitting in the Passenger Seat...

Hey Ya'll!

It's the end of March, the beginning of Spring, and I'm at a point in the "single life" where I've decided to let a Higher Power "find Mr One" for me. Yeah, I said it... I'm going to stop setting myself back. You see, I've found, I don't do so well with the the picking of a mate. Not saying I'm not still waiting for "him" but I'm not actively searching...and not that the guys I've been interested in are total duds...but...yeah. They're not the ones for me soooo....on to another plan. lol..

Sometimes as females, we have this list of requirements and things we feel MUST be met in order for a brother to be "right" for us. At least, I have. And then I find that brother, only to discover he's missing this or he's missing that. Or even worse, I find I didn't REALLY need this or that. So you don't have to hit me upside the head too much...I can see I'm not the best "picker" out there for me. See, I have the concept of who I want as a mate and I think I will know how it should feel but the theory of that person never lives up to my expectations or I find I've missed something crucial...something I can't just settle for. An example, you may ask?? Well, wanna hear about it? Here it goes...

In all of the very few relationships / meetings I've had since "Single-dom", I've learned a little bit more about me and what I want and/or need. During the first serious one, I found I didn't want the added responsibility of full-time "kids". Now, if the ex has a healthy relationship where she is respected and expected to have an active and positive role in the children's lives, then that's different but if there's constant conflict...uh uh. I also didn't want to be in between unfinished business as part of my moving on. So, that one ended. Then, I learned how important sharing each others "space" and lives is in a relationship. If one person is inviting you all up in their joint, the other person needs to be trying to do the same thing! And lastly, no matter how "cute" he is, he MUST be able to make sound decisions! If he has shown you his inability to make good decisions in HIS OWN LIFE, how in the heck am I suppose to trust him making the decisions in OUR (can you say "MY LIFE"?) lives together? Uh uh, can't have that either!!

So, yes, I find myself in a whole 'nother space this time....I'm in the space of sitting back in the passenger seat and letting God drive this vehicle. My trust and faith in Him is strong enough to know He knows what I want and need much better than I do. Besides, I want my next union to be blessed by God, not just by what I think I may want. And the thing about it is, I can FEEL him nearby!! No, I'm not drinking anything...I honestly feel like my "Mr One" is somewhere nearby! Don't know what he looks like (God, please let him be tall!) but he's coming towards me! I pray that I'm able to recognize him when he arrives and he, me!

I guess we'll see, huh? lol... Until next time,

~Toodles!!

And the Beat Goes On...

Sigh... lol...I'm ok, just catching my breath. So, Online Interest is no longer an interest... "But what happened JustTrena??" Well, in this journey of singleness, I'm discovering I'm a little selfish...selfish with my time, my patience, my understanding. I no longer feel I have to put my own wants on the back burner for someone else to get it together, get a clue, or "get their story straight".

In the arena of "understanding", I happen to believe I'm in the expert category. I try not to judge an individual on things they can't control, or the decisions they make in life when they've tried their best. I will, however, have a say on digging a hole for yourself and then trying to make ME believe it's not there! lol... I try to keep my life "lie-free"; besides, my memory isn't that good anyway now-a-days and I'm not trying to stress out on keeping a lie straight! lol So the ONE thing I NEED and REQUIRE in a relationship, is honesty. It's not just that lying lying, it's also lying by omission.

So, without going too much into detail because I do believe the brother is cool, suffice it to say, we're no longer together. And how do I feel about that? Eh. I'm good. Real good.

Toodles!

Happy New Year 2013!!!

Hey ya’ll!!

So, the new year is here!! For some, it came in with a bang, …for me, eh. It kinda casually crossed the threshold and that was that! Let's see how the rest of the year rolls out!!

But it's a New Year and with that comes a whole new canvas on which to draw life! New ideas, new projects, new friendships, new beginnings....I look forward to it all!!

Welcome 2013!

Misery…and the Search for Company

Ok, so I haven’t been here in a minute…only because I’ve been busy doing a little bit of “living”. Things are rolling along decently and I’m satisfied with the status quo. “Online Interest” and I have closed the deal, meaning exclusivity in our dating and that is going smoothly. My girls are a little more self-sufficient, with the new driver’s licenses and all. ….all sounds good right? “So, why the “Misery” title JustTrena?” Here’s why…

Many moons ago I wrote about misery loving company in this very blog, if I’m not mistaken. The post was about dealing with negative folks, with all of their negativity, and how they seem to transfer that bad energy to you when you're around them. Well, this post carries the topic a little further...

In my 46 years on this earth (yes, I just had a birthday!! Yay! ...and I had an awesome time celebrating {that will be another post!}), I’ve learned that when a person is unhappy or miserable, there’s really no cure until that individual find true clarity within themselves. It doesn’t matter how much talking to, counseling, “being there”, you try… until that person is ready to stop being “miserable”, there’s nothing YOU can do but one of two things….continue being there, listening and absorbing all of the negativity into yourself OR detach yourself from that person until he/she heals. For now, I’ve consciously chosen to “be there”, BUT only for a little while more. My friends and family question my decision….I don’t even have an answer. I just know someone who I called friend is hurting so deeply and has struck out at so many other people in her life that they’ve detached themselves from her, and for some reason, I’m not at my breaking point …YET, although I've come extremely close.

When this type of person is in your life, all of your achievements become mediocre in their eyes. Oh, there will be NO rejoicing at your successes; and you can best believe a “knife tip and jab” will show up somewhere along the conversation to make sure you feel a little less about yourself IF you’re not aware of where it’s coming from. I’ve had life celebrations ignored and blown off by this individual with all kinds of excuses. And, silly me, have continued to pass out the invitations, HOPING the depression has waned, even a little bit. Not yet. But later may be too late.

I can’t stay in a friendship where I am the sounding block for your misery. I’ve given all of my opinions, suggestions, point of views I’m willing to give right now. I will not be a part of your talking yourself into believing what you do is “alright”. It’s not. Not at all. Maybe hitting rock bottom is the cure for you. Maybe detaching will force you to see it’s YOU, and not the many other folks who’ve left or you’ve “cut off” because they’ve come too close to telling you to “get over it already”. Life happens to us all and to grieve about unfairness is normal …to be vicious and mean to those who’ve tried to support you, is not normal.

I’m extremely close to joining the ranks of the others who’ve detached. We’ll see…

Man....Just Stop It!!!

Guys, guys, guys...a girl would much rather you said "no" than to say "yes" and not follow through! If you're not sure you are able to do what you've been asked to do, just be truthful, even if that truth is "I'm not sure"! Stop doing it!! Just stop it!!

WTH....SMH...and LOL! ...oh my!!

Wow...Ok, so I think I can say I'm pretty much done with the online site at this time. A couple weeks ago, I went on a "date" with one of the guys who'd contacted me and I can honestly say, I totally screwed THAT date up! LOL!! Without going too much into detail, I will say this... This dude (I'll refer to him as 5'9", ..obvious reason) seemed to be a nice guy; he smelled good, looked decent, had dimples even!! He had a job, a home and decent transportation!!! Ok, so you may ask "so, what went wrong, Just Trena?" Well, let me tell you...

As you know I've been slightly distracted with Online Interest (OI), and this date was made during OI's mini-MIA episode. *sidenote: he had an "eh" explanation, totally believable, let's hope he improves in the "communication while sick" area. Ok, so back to the date with 5'9"... The conversation was going pretty good until he asked about my online experience...this is where I'm going to give you lucky readers some "Do's and Don'ts" of dating...

1. Don't talk about another guy you're interested in on the date.
2. Don't offer to set up your date with one of your girlfriends! *uh uh, don't do it!
3. Do limit going out on other dates once you find someone you're interested in online, at least until you "figure out" if your interest is going somewhere and/or worth investigating further without other distractions.

Yeah, needless to say, that was a quick date, which somehow surprisingly ended on a comedic note. 5'9" contacted me on his way home from the date to talk about it and to make sure I was okay (see?, he was sweet and considerate also!), and we did find quite a few laughs to get out of it. He also explained setting him up with my girlfriend wouldn't work because he would always be checking me out and he also said he wished he'd never met me because he was indeed attracted (Aww!). AND he told me how weird it was for me to even offer that! lol... Well, anyone who knows me, knows I sometimes have difficulty with the process of filtering thoughts to verbalization, and things I say are usually done with good intentions, so all of the friends I told about the episode laughed but wasn't really surprised.

So, as of a couple days ago, I stopped my automatic renewal with the dating site and once my time has lapsed, I will hide / delete my profile. I also feel as if I've had enough of the speed dating for now. One day I may venture out there again but as for now, I'm confident the "real world" offers enough prospects.

Well, until next time ya'll....Toodles!

Single ...and Ready to Mingle Vent...

The concept of "mingling"...what exactly does that look like, ya'll? According to the online Free Dictionary, to mingle is: "to bring or combine together or with something else"; "to be all mixed up or jumbled together". <_< Well, that's how I'm defining it right about now for me...all mixed up! Yeah, that one works for me! LOL!

As you know I've been dabbling in the online scene and surprisingly, it's getting quite interesting. TODAY, I've had at least four dudes to initiate contact with me. I noticed a couple of them had checked out my profile a few times before and I guess today was the day for them to make contact. Two asked me out for a meet-up and the other two carried on conversations consisting of more than just "hey beautiful" or "hey lady", which is their usually speak.

If you've read my past posts, you know there's one guy in particular I'm interested in, and that's Online Interest, you know, the one who crashed the Speed dating event the other night"? Well, for some reason, he is being a little quiet this weekend so being as I'm not as distracted, I thought I'd entertain the other dudes. Well, I must say, "over 40" ain't no joke! I can't keep'em all straight in my head and am forgetting what I've said to whom! Surely this is not the way it's suppose to go down, ya'll!! I need a spreadsheet just to keep things straight and to keep myself sane!

I'm beginning to wonder if there are rules out there that states when one should close the lines of communication on this beast called online dating? When do you stop acknowledging new contacts until you've had a chance to check out the first group of guys, without losing the new group of guys interest? Ugh!! There's always something, isn't it?

Well, this was just me rambling on the confusion I'm experiencing right now with online dating. Don't get me wrong, I'm not discouraged at all! Just need a breather from it all for a minute. After I get the two who invited me out "situated", I think I may have to take a hiatus from this for a minute! LOL...

~Toddles!!

I Ain't Hatin'...Really, I'm Not...

Disclaimer: This observation is being posted from an “Ah ha” moment, not to be confused, at all, with anger.

So, today as I was perusing my Facebook page, I noticed something that has always tickled at the peripheral of my consciousness. Wait a minute…let me preface this post with this story: A Facebook friend once stated that if a man or woman was truly in a relationship with you, he/she would proudly post it on their Facebook page, at a minimum, as his/her status. At first, I bucked…”Surely not everyone wants their business out there on Facebook!”..is what I said. I declared then and there I would go and “investigate” the people I had as “friends” and ya’ll know what?!! Surprisingly sure enough, EVERY LAST PERSON, who I knew was in a relationship, had it posted!! Even the known "dogs" of the group! Now, ex-dude who was suppose to be all into me is on Facebook but I was nowhere to be found ..not in his status, in his pictures, whatever. *shoulder shrug..huh, no real issue for me because I am the one who believed it doesn’t really have to be out there to mean anything, although I did have at least pictures of said ex-dude posted on my page.

Fast forward to today, almost two months after the breakup, and guess what? Ex-dude and this chick’s picture is scattered along my timeline. Honestly, no biggie, except the remembrance of the above conversation from many months ago. So, we were together for a minute and never a public declaration of feelings but a date gets front in center? Hmmm, interesting…

My Adventures …chapter 3 ….When Speed Dating + Online Dating Collide

Last night was my second try at Speed Dating and this time, we brought a third female friend/co-worker with us since we’d enjoyed the last event so much...ya kow..share in the fun! We arrived at the selected venue about 40 minutes prior to the event start time...ordered an appetizer with a happy hour house drink…I had calamari and a martini, not bad. After laughing and joking with the bartender and his bar friends, we made our way to the “holding area” to sign-in for the dating. I was slightly concerned because at the first speed dating event, one or two of the gentlemen had contacted me and the exchange never had any closure so I was a teensy bit apprehensive on how I would handle the “I emailed you but you didn’t email me back” conversation. I figured if I’d attended last month, maybe these individuals would also. Needless to say, there were one or two repeaters there.

This is where "the online dating scene" made it's way on stage to the night festivities… in a good way. For about two/three weeks I’ve been in constant communication with one of the gentlemen I’d met online…ONLY phone conversations, mind you, but we had not had the pleasure of meeting “face-to-face” yet. So, en route to the event, a spontaneous meet-up was scheduled for that evening, to take place after the speed dating was done. Well…while waiting for the dating to start, I noticed a “want to avoid” Repeater. We’d both shown interested in each other and he’d seemed so cool at the meet-up but somewhere along the way, his perceived arrogance and “hot and cold” act turned me off….our short reign of communication ended …weirdly.

Ok, so, during the time my friends and I were waiting, Online Interest was sending me text messages, letting me know where he was in the process of our meet-up. It was when I spotted the Repeater I had my “Ah ha! …I know how I can avoid what I knew would be an awkward situation” moment!! I could time it where, before Repeat got to my table, I would leave the event to go out and talk with Online interest!! Online Interest showed up right on-time and proved to have been honest in his representation of himself. The face-to-face meet-up went very well and I was pleasantly surprised about that. So…>_>...Brilliant plan, right?! YA DARN RIGHT IT WAS BRILLIANT!! Not only did I circumvent the “Repeat Meet”, I also got a chance to see the voice and personality behind the Online Interest. And it was all good. *smiling….

I did return to the dating event, albeit with lackluster, and finished out the last three/four rounds left of “switch”; by this time, Repeater had already gone beyond where I was seated. I was informed he’d asked about me… (yeah, I must admit a little bit of “In-Yo-Face-ism” ran through my mind with that tid bit of information. *Ya can’t ban the Snowman!... lol) So…yeah…I’m feeling good right about now.

~Toodles!

Cosmic Funk

As of today, 4 September 2012, I am still enjoying my single-dom. I'm still loving the place and space I’m in and I am learning so much about myself, its unreal! One of the many things I’ve learned about “me” is, I may have had “Change a Chump” syndrome going on! “JustTrena, now what exactly is that?”..you may ask. Well, it’s the female version of “Capt Save a Ho”!! In layman’s terms, it’s basically the desire to rescue or “push to potential” another person, who may or may not wish to be “pushed”, to possibly make oneself feel special or needed. <_<… mind you, this is my “made-up phrase, so the definition can change at any given moment! Lol But lets’ clear this up ….when I say “..to possibly make oneself feel special…”, I, in no way whatsoever, feel in the slightest bit “un-special” ! However, I am smart enough to notice and acknowledge signs I may have previously overlooked. Ok, back to the topic at hand…. So, during this time of getting to know myself, I was questioning my fellow co-workers/friends as to why the universe seemed to continue to throw men who were “not where they should be” in my face! This has happened three times since my last relationship breakup! And when I say "continue", I'm talking THREE times! …No, not 3 out of 8 times, or even 3 out of 4 times, this is a whooping 3 out of 3 times this has happened!! And if anyone knows anything about me, I don’t believe in coincidences! So I had to do the hard part and reflect on ME and what it was that I was putting out there because we all know, what we project is what is drawn to us. It was during this self-reflection that this was revealed to me.

Now, the type of men I’m talking about are NOT the ones who are down on their luck due to economic circumstances and times, but these are men who have never “held it down” and may have the propensity to prey on who they think is vulnerable and/or naïve. So, this is how it would look: Me, Ms. “I will support your efforts and help you get to the next levels, with encouragement and hard work” is walking along, happy-happy, minding my own business and out of nowhere, Mr. “I live with auntie, my car is in the shop, I’m in-between jobs right now” comes along and sees me. He thinks, “Ah, she looks mighty friendly and helpful… let’s see how I can use/benefit from this situation!” And me, being the person I am, who believes everyone is capable of potential, is almost salivating to help a brother out. See? BUT THEN what happens is, my other side and perspective of what makes a “Real Man” (responsibility and accountability) comes into play and at the first sign of “leeching”, he’s outta there! *That side is usually not seen due to the bright glow of “happy-go-luckyism” that’s displayed during initial meet up! Said predator gets upset that things don’t go their way, blames me for not having time, and off they go to lick wounds.

So how do I combat attracting this type of situation and avoiding all of the drama from the get-go? Well, after recognizing what was “drawing them in”, my mindset is now one of knowing it’s not my responsibility to “raise a grown man”; my supportive nature can be used to uplift someone who is at a level comparable to mine (not necessarily just financially speaking, but also morally, situation-ally, etc) and pushing together from there. I shouldn’t have to reach back to pull a man along but we should be able to go, hand in hand, forward together.

If you find yourself being constantly approached by big sacks of mess-mess, stop and reflect upon yourself and think about what it may be you are projecting to the world and change your mindset, if you can! And just in case you’re asking, “…but JustTrena, what about the next bum…what’s going to stop him from approaching you anyway?” Well, I don’t know but I can say honestly, ever since I’ve acknowledged and CHANGED that mindset, NOT ONE CHUMP HAS APPROACHED ME!!! Coincidence? I think not. Cosmic? Just maybe!! ~Toodles!